Friday, April 8, 2011

The Embrace

*Originally written on March17th, 2011*

I almost didn't post this. It is going to be a personal, more intimate, blog-harder for me even than the last...which trust me was a stepping out. The only reason I have the strength to type this, besides God who inspired me in the first place, was a friend who helped me realize, although painful, open rejection is worth it if you can help just one soul. For isn't that exactly what Christ came and did, for each and every individual.  This subject came at random Tuesday morning on my way to work after a nice hour and a half oversleeping.

It all started with a song, but not one on the radio, not on my car CD player, not on my iPod or iPhone, but it played in my mind.

Natalie Imbruglia "Torn"
I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around
And he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Or seem to care
What your heart is for
I don't know him anymore
There's nothin' where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothings right
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
So I guess the fortune tellers right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins
And now, I don't care
I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch
I'm torn
There's nothin' he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's right
I'm torn

The chorus is what played continuously in my head.  Why on earth was I thinking of this song?  I've not heard its overplayed lyrics in years...and it came to me.

It's how the world leaves us and how we first embrace God. 

We start by seeking this spouse, beautiful looking, seeming to we stray from God and instead pour out ourselves-our souls, revealing ourselves and all to be fooled and left alone bound and broken on the floor.  The 'perfect' sky, perfect idealistic life is torn slowly before our eyes. Like that famous emperor we are all promised by the world such a beautiful set of clothing, when really we are too prideful to realize how naked and foolish we really are.

"Bound, naked, ashamed".  We just want to hide, but it is this state that God wants to embrace us, comfort us...and its in this state we finally surrender all of ourselves to him, revealing our more sacred, tender side.

Our intimate parts.

I think this is a major part of why our relationship with Christ is compared to a marriage, there is just something about a newlywed couple...the wedding night, and the first time she undresses before Him-before anyone.  The first time she makes herself vulnerable to someone, to touch and to be touched.  For me, its something I fear-and yet-excitedly await.  As a girl who's waiting till she's married in a society where sex is something you do with anyone when your bored.

I have a horrible fear of being vulnerable.  I try to hide my true inner feelings, oh so many to hide it hurts so badly as they bleed forth from my heart, my eyes, and my knees as my legs collapse because I'd rather run then reveal who I really am to the world.  The pain of being ashamed that you feel makes the idea of any kind of intimacy difficult to grasp, especially that kind.  I can't even stare at some people in the eyes when I can tell they see through who I am (which is why cute shoes are always important) much less having that same person stare at me, undressed inside and out.

But there must be something to this, for Solomon wrote an entire book of the bible about the relationship between a man and a women. A relationship that, at least as a girl, is what I've been awaiting my heavenly Father to bring me. My soul mate, the one who I complete, that I can unite with and create one being with. A Song of Solomon is book too often skipped and overlooked, under-read, its become the scarlet letter of the bible. Ashamed, people often try to make excuses about how it 'accidently' got inserted...But I find it to be one of the most intriguing and beautiful books within the bible. 

Now I'm not saying I believe that it represents our relationship with God, but to me it reveals why God creates sex as such an important event.  It was the first command God gave Adam and Eve. To multiply-well there is only one way to really do that. And I'm not trying to glamorize sex.  It is a very physical event between two people and not the fairytale they make little girls believe to keep them a virgin as long as possible. I realize this, but I guess as someone on the outside of things, and very inexperienced in this area (OBVIOUSLY), its what I see and feel.

Since we are the bride of Christ, we begin our marriage when we come to Him naked and broken...awaiting His touch to heal our hearts as we then lovingly embrace each other.  There is something about being in the arms of Christ that I think cannot be compared to anything earthly and yet...every true believer that has a deep relationship with the Lord understands, in their own personal way; a way no other being does. 
Not to get on this again, but we would never understand the deep meaningful intimate embrace of our Lord Jesus Christ if it wasn't for the painful rejection of the world. 

*Comment from original post:

Love it love! Thanks for being so raw and open. I LOVE reading your writings! It inspires me to want to write in my blog… if I could only bring myself to do it haha

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