Wednesday, March 14, 2012


There is a song by Semisonic that says "Closing time...every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

I can only believe that God 'popped' it into my brain because it really spoke to me today, while I walked outside in the gorgeous my car so I can drive to the gym and workout instead of running outside on the trail. Why?  My stalker of course, while nothing more has happened, since this would be the second scare (I've had one previously a few years back), I told everyone I wouldn't run on the trail alone for awhile.

It's just now, with the time change keeping it sunny much later and the amazing temperatures and gentle breeze that this truly becomes difficult.

I've really been working at not letting it steal my joy, not letting the creepo that sent me those stupid texts, or the old man who authored the crazy letter I now have to keep forever, to take that from me also.  It's kind of ironic, I started as a social runner and really had to work at adjusting to running alone, to accepting that no one wanted to run with me.  But now I've grown so accustomed to running with the Lord and having that quiet-time, quality alone-time with Him in nature that the idea of only being able to run with others is  hard for me to accept. Yes, supposedly after a while I should be able to run alone again on the trail, but will it ever be the same, or will I always be worrying someone, perhaps occasionally myself, every-time I do?

All I can think of is that maybe God is using this to close that door, and open another.  I've always wanted the person that God has for me to be someone I can do stuff with and not feel like I annoy them, be active with, hold hands and just hangout with. Someone who would enjoy being around me always, loving me, and take part in my healthy lifestyle.  So maybe this is in preparation for that person. Maybe the Lord took everyone away from me for a time to help my relationship with Him to cultivate, strengthen.  And now that I have an unshakable bond with Him, now that I know and am completely confident that He really is all I need no matter what, He is beginning to prepare for uniting me with my soul mate.

Honestly this thought made me jealous of my private-time with God, will I never get that once I am married?  What will become of my runs with the Lord?  And then it came to me, why can't I share my God-time with my future-spouse? If we really are uniting and becoming one flesh, then shouldn't we bond with our heavenly Father together? His relationship with God is a major part of what I look for in a person, shouldn't we share and grow that relationship together?  This doesn't mean I wont get my own moments with just God as His daughter, but maybe my solitary long runs with Him are meant to one day be shared with a third person...what's the harm in that?  There's enough God in this universe to share.

This is just another step in preparation for bringing into my life whomever the Lord has for me.