Thursday, June 19, 2014

Planting Seeds

So I'm supposed to be teaching classes with the Georgia Team workout, so when I get the chance to take a class at my gym, with an instructor I really enjoy that pushes me, I've been watching them, observing to hopefully figure out what about them draws me to work harder, how they make me so much more driven then I am alone.

First was an instructor in Gold's gym's ride class every Saturday morning, 8:15 am.  I'm not one that can ride a bike indoors without being in a decent class. While she's not quite as exuberant as some, as the class goes on she opens up more. Somewhere within the ride get so motivated to keep going, to push myself and I realize its cause as she teaches she is pushing herself as well as everyone else. When she yells at you to keep going, she's really yelling at herself and there is something so motivating about that!  Her drive to give it all she has moves me to do likewise!

The Second Instructor teaches not only ride, but also core and power at least. His sense of  humor as well as attitude and awareness of the class. He uses humor to lighten your mood, and pays attention to all the class, not only to make sure they are doing it correctly, but just so they know they were noticed. No one wants to be in a class where their presence is not acknowledged.  He also does a great job of pushing everyone as he pushes himself.

Passion is an amazing thing, people can see it, can feel it. They know if it's real or if you are just putting on a show. You have to care about what you are doing or people wont care. Every class you teach, you are planting seeds in everyone's life and tending to those seeds.

I have an interesting history with not only food, but fitness and the gym.  At one point I became obsessed with running, and once I ran 10.5 miles, I then had to every time I ran or I would be a failure to myself. This of course is not healthy seeing as I ended up running 10.5 miles 5 days a week. You can only keep that up for so long until it does something to your body, and mind. Especially when your dietary intake is not sufficient enough for that level of exercise. Shortly afterwards I met with someone (now a close friend) and had to basically stop all cardio until I got my weight up...I over ran myself yet again. Then, when able, could only do 10 minutes of cardio a day.

Taking a break ended up being the best thing, not only for me physically and mentally, but for my relationship with running, I had made it a chore, something I was obligated to do and it lost its joy.

I've not regained my love for running along with a better awareness for how far to push myself.  While I am planning on running a marathon this year, I space out my runs and do them at paces and distances that fit. Yesterday for instance, after much fighting with myself I cut my run short since I was not feeling the best that morning and didn't want the 95° temperature to make me worse.  Doing that although reluctantly, made my run so much more enjoyable then if I had tortured myself for the full run I had intended.

Must remember:
I can always run a long run another day...and I am not a horrible person for only running a 5k instead.

(plus Oreo would've not made it for a longer run lol) 

I bring this all up because unknowingly I may have planted seeds in a friends life, I now watch doing the same I did.  Over exercising, under-eating...getting injured from the abuse they're trying to push though and call it 'healthy'. How do you help someone who is doing what you yourself did just a few years ago, heck maybe sooner...I've given advice when they started having a few pains and inquired of me, but I don't feel I'm in a position to just tell them what they are doing to themselves...they wouldn't listen. I never did.

So I stand back, watch and pray...I hope they learn the lesson I did...and hopefully not too late.  I don't know if I am partly to blame or not but it just goes to show you, you never know who might be watching, absorbing your actions, unconsciously or consciously.

Make sure the seeds you plant are fruitful and not weeds

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Psalm 139 eyes.

It's funny how some of the smallest things stick with you. A small favor or act, gesture, comments, or questions.

The first thing that my Georgia team workout decided to hold was a Stone Mountain Laser Show

It was such an amazing time!  During our time together at the top, I was asked a question that has stuck with me. 

We were discussing my raynaud's phenomenon when David (mentioned in my last post) thinks this has something to do with my low blood pressure. It tends to be about 96 and when it gets in the 100's I kinda get freaked a bit. I like my blood pressure low, like everything.  I like a low weight, body fat %...and in the midst of all this another friend, who really understands me when it comes to my issues, asked me, 

Why was a low weight, low numbers, so important to me.

Honestly I had to think cause I'm still not really sure, but here's my best attempt for an answer.

I've always liked numbers, I was good at math as a child it came naturally to me really.Addition and subtraction, multiplication, division, fractions, less than, more than, or equal to. They know there place, and they are unchanging, unwavering.  I however haven't always liked myself, I have rarely liked myself really. I'm a perfectionist who feels she's never as good as she wants herself to be. I do the one major no-no and compare myself to people with this killer workout and diet and me, struggling. Mind you we are in two very different places, they oftentimes have lives where it's not as much of a problem, living alone and financially able while I try to balance my healthy lifestyle at home while living with all my family and keep them from getting offended while being totally broke. Do I factor that in when I feel like I've failed, do I count my attempts? No, I failed and in the end, excuses and reasoning doesn't matter I didn't do what I should. This feeling of not meeting my own standards turns into standards I feel everyone else holds to me also, whether they do or not. Mix that with all the years I've been made fun of as a child, and I guess I've learned to not appreciate myself as much as I should. 

That turns into the basic factor that less of me must be a good thing.

Being that I've not dated much, and I've not been in any real long term relationships, subconsciously I've gotten to where I figure it must be me, so then again, less of me may be more appealing then more of me.  

I've always wanted to be this little, petite, girly girl. The one you see looking up at the guy, kissing him on, her toes.  I want to be little enough that I can run and leap randomly on a guy and he'll be able to hold me up. I want to be enveloped by him, covered. Why? Not sure, I guess I feel safer and protected that way. Here again, I'm really into the small thing, my favorite actress for instance is Audrey Hepburn, not that I will ever be as small as her, I find her beautiful on the inside and out. Maybe that's partly why I feel the way I do.

What's amazing about her is that it's not that she loved being small, but she embracd herself in a time when being small wasn't popular. She took what society said wasn't beautiful and dressed it up and believed it was anyways.

 It's something I'm working on.  While I've improved on my number obsession, and I've learned to love me (I like me more currently then I have previously in all of my life) but it is still a process, I've spent many years putting too much importance on the "less is more" concept and it's not something I can mentally just turn off. But we are all a work in progress, and this is just my own and with Christ's help I'll begin to see myself through Psalm 139 eyes.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Strength becomes me

How Strong are you?

I don't necessarily mean just physically, but strength in its entirety. 


 adjective \ˈstrŋ\
: having great physical power and ability : having a lot of strength
: not easy to break or damage
: not sick or injured
stron·ger  stron·gest 

Full Definition of STRONG

:  having or marked by great physical power
:  having moral or intellectual power
:  having great resources (as of wealth or talent)
:  of a specified number <an army ten thousand strong>
a :  striking or superior of its kind <a strong resemblance>
b :  effective or efficient especially in a specified direction<strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez>
:  forcefulcogent <strong evidence> <strong talk>
:  not mild or weak :  extremeintense: as
a :  rich in some active agent <strong beer>
b of a color :  high in chroma
c :  ionizing freely in solution <strong acids and bases>
d :  magnifying by refracting greatly <a strong lens>
obsolete :  flagrant
:  moving with rapidity or force <a strong wind>
:  ardentzealous <a strong supporter>
a :  not easily injured or disturbed :  solid
b :  not easily subdued or taken <a strong fort>
:  well established :  firm <strong beliefs>
:  not easily upset or nauseated <a strong stomach>
:  having an offensive or intense odor or flavor :  rank<strong breath>
:  tending to steady or higher prices <a strong market>
:  of, relating to, or being a verb that is inflected by a change in the root vowel (as strive, strove, striven) rather than by regular affixation
— strong adverb
— strong·ish  adjective
— strong·ly  adverb

That is a lot for just one word.

It has such a deeper meaning then most of us really consider. This is what I want to be. Strong. Not just physically powerful, but morally and intellectually, rich in some active agent (that agent for me being Christ and God the Father) and magnifying and refracting greatly His eternal light. To be well established, not easily injured or disturbed, moving with force, not easily upset.

Striking and superior of my kind.

And yes, there are a few that aren't so attractive, 14, 15, & 16 I'd rather not be really. But for the most part, strength is such a complex and beautiful thing