Monday, December 26, 2011

Ending It All With Some Joy

I want to end this year with finishing out my 100 things that bring be joy.

82. all types of boardgames, especially Monopoly

83. Christmas

84. My Lieba

85. Twilight Zone

87. Doggy hugs

88. Running 5k races with my sister

89. Hanging out with family

90. The Muppets

91. Dr. Seuss's The Lorax

92. surprises, whether surprising someone else or getting my own

93. candlelight

94. driving around looking at tacky Christmas lights on houses

95. dog sweaters

96. The human form (thanks to Marie for the Picture)

97. giving platelets with my sister

98.  picking out a real Christmas trees

99. being able to give & bless another person

100.  a smile.

Friday, December 16, 2011

The True Depth of a Child

Who's to say children cannot comprehend deeper concepts.  I think it is adults that have a hard time grasping the depth of the young untainted imagination.  It's like a non-swimmer falling into the deep end of a swimming pool. When we realize we can no longer feel the floor underneath us we start to freak.

Part of what I think helps creates this is a child's faith. I think it's why Christ loved the children so-he could reach them more, pain hasn't blocked them yet...

"Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein." Mark 10:15 KJV

There are but a handful of people I think really embraced and tried to flourish the child's mind, men such as Dr. Seuss, Shel Silverstein, C.S. Lewis, Jim Henson, J.R. Tolken stand out in my mind in particular...

Random note I know but there ya go.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Proverbs 31 Movement

Those who have read & kept up with my blog know that I've always tried to become more of a "Proverbs 31' type of girl, so this movement just excites me!  It's exactly what this world needs to me.

God is awesome! ...I know I get happy over the silliest things! I've learned to love myself, who I am and the characteristics and trademark details that make me unique, but still-for someone who struggles with knowing that I'll never look like the woman I wish I did, I'll never be a Victoria Secrets model, this speaks volumes.  I think this world would have more beautiful women in it if we worked on inner beauty instead of outer beauty. Usually the outside appearance will catch up with the inside, but the inside appearance doesn't generally tag along with the outside.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

His Joy

My chest hurts with love & pain mixed, my stomach feels much has gone on outside & inside within me. Some good some bad.  Old friends returned, close friends felt pushed away...I've hurt those I love.

I want to run & I can't.  I just want to hold onto someone & cry, but can't.  I want to write the feelings, but no words flow from my finger tips, I want to draw out my emotions, but no pictures form within my mind. 

God give me your peace, your sweet serenity, comfort, joy amongst the storm that envelops this holiday season. Help me remember the true meaning of this holiday, the birth of Your son, Jesus Christ, and His love for all mankind.

I know that with You, Your love, all will be okay.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 KJV

Call me, oh God my Father, help me achieve your will for me. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


There's something about sitting on the beach, no matter the season, and watching the tide. The wind brushing against you, the waves as they finally grasp the edge of the shoreline just to get pulled right back into the ocean.

How many times do our lives feel as if they are doing the same thing?

I know so many people who are going through some very difficult and trying times this holiday season, and others who are finally seeing the much needed blessings come after their long trials have finally seemed to come to an end.

But isn't that what life is generally about; the trials and how we pull through them?  Dont the trying times of our lives form our character, and strengthen our trust in the Lord?  If we never needed to be rescued by Him, how would we ever know that He could, or would for that matter? We all know that God the Father gave His one and only son, Jesus Christ, for our sins and that whoever believes in Him has everlasting life, but I think too many times we take this sacrifice for granted. We just expect it and think His love stops there, never realizing that God's tears at every trial we encounter create the current that lovingly pushes us closer and closer to the sand. 

And how would we know what we are truly made of?  The shells and sea creatures we carry along with us and deposit on the shore's edge, painting a different backdrop with each powerful drop of water against the sand. Each one of our lives is a work of art, and the things we carry along with us and deposit upon the shore are what its made of.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Running towards Acts 20:35

FINALLY I ran!  It was amazing, but not without some lessons & refocus from God beforehand :)

It has been quite a week, & will continue to be through Saturday at least (a 5k with my sister Christina, Elena cooking, & a bonfire). Crazy all over the place but awesome.  I had all intentions of running Monday, & once I arrived at work had the pleasant surprise of an old friend ask to start running with me.

Yayness!  Nobody ever wants to run with me. I've only had 2 people who liked to, J-Dawg (who got me into working out & my health) & Jacob (who got me into trail running).  I guess I scare people off...and it sucks but is something I've learned to deal with.  So to have J-Dawg's wife ask me to run with her totally made my day. Hopefully this will end up working out.

Well, my plan to run got cancelled literally on the way to the trail when I mom was still at the mechanic with my car. I had no idea what was wrong with it, how much it would be, or if she'd need a ride home & if I ran on the trail I wouldn't have my phone with me. So begrudgingly I passed my turn for the trail & headed to the gym.  Thinking that my hunger for time with God, for His message to me, would just have to wait...but He surprised me with a message when I arrived at the gym.

Life isn't about what I can get but what I can give. I will gain so much more joy & passion from helping a friend get back into running than on any of my longest trail runs. So much more love by just having my mother know I am only a phone call away.  As much as I enjoy my quiet time with God on the trail, isn't life really about the sacrifices you make for those you love?  And how many people sacrifice for me everyday & I never take notice... 

Alongside that, isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about. Not sacrificing all of yourself for the other person, but loving them enough that you are both willing to.  It's that deep love that drives us forward, creates passion, creates art. If sacrifice is so painful why do we desire, I desire, to find that person I am willing to give up everything for?

It's what Christ demonstrated for us, & what God the Father shows us everyday.  He DID give His all for us, & we spend our lives giving our all back to Him, loving Him with our best & worst.

And God did give me our run together, after I stopped focusing on myself, stopped looking at what love I wanted & needed, & looked at how I could love others.  With the most beautiful weather yesterday, I finally got my long trail run back.  The wind gently embracing my cheeks, the colors of fall painted all around me.  Just knowing He was there each step forward; the gravel beside me lifting up their voices in praise & love for Him, My Lord!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow?

So I'm adjusting to this whole not running much thing, sorry for those who started reading this for my runs with God posts, I will return to those eventually (hopefully soon!) :)  Once I get this whole hormones thing figured out (& I don't get so carried away that I kill my knees again lol).

Thinking on that, & some pictures some friends of mine posted:

Working at a place like Life University, fresh natural healthy living is kinda my thing.

I have an Uncle who distributes produce to places like Whole Foods, Publix, and another HUGE farmers market in Georgia. Talking to Him and knowing how they grow the produce that does use chemicals and the organic produce that doesn't, mixed with this whole government thing where farmers cannot save seed now...has made me think...

I wonder if the two health problems I have, that I cannot seem to get rid of no matter how healthy I am, were created from all the genetically modified foods Americans have grown up upon. Me less than some since my father grew his own produce, which is also probably why I LOVE all fruit & veggies so much today (& have my own garden now yayness). 

Every time I give into trying out a pill that supposed to help me balance out, all it does it make everything worse.

Unfortunately there's no getting around some genetic alterations, additives, & preservatives nowadays, especially when you don't have a ton of money. I mean with a father who had a level 4 Astrocytoma Glioblastoma Multiforme brain tumor, one that made medical books, made history, you don't have too much extra funds lying around sadly. 

How screwed up have we made humanity now, due to our chemical tampering, our laziness?  Parish the thought of working hard to grow natural, fresh plants the way God intended and created them originally...If God wanted it to have that crap in it, the extra fluff we think it needs, he would have created it that way to begin with.

We screw up our foods, which in turn have screwed up people. And instead of fixing the original problem we created by stopping, we instead just start popping us with even more chemicals in the form of pills, shots, vaccines, etc. Then when they stop working we still don't fix the problem, we just create additional medicines to take with the original pills.  

Great health system model to me...but oh wait, we're 'fixing' the medical system right?  
We're making the doctors more smiley.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


"Lucky that my lips not only mumble
They spill kisses like a fountain
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains
Lucky I have strong legs like my mother
To run for cover when I need it
And these two eyes that for no other
The day you leave will cry a river"
Shakira "Whenever, Wherever"

Whenever I hear that song, I think of my friend Marie saying how that line made her think of me.  I do have small breasts...and I do have stong legs-just like my mother.  It's funny how different Marie and I grew up to be in appearance, and yet, I think we are both uniquely and beautifuly designed.  
While we look similar, my two older sisters, my mother, and myself each carry a separate beauty all ours. My friend Chelsi and I get mistaken for each other quite often, but even then we're our own masterpiece, each fingerprint and strand of hair, each shadow we cast is perfectly personalized.


Today is National Love Your Body Day, a day when women of all sizes, colors, ages and abilities come together to celebrate self-acceptance and to promote positive body image.

So I decided to write about something that's been on my mind lately. 

I love... muscular legs, thighs, calves. Partly I inherited and partly I worked hard for. brown hair, brown eyes. Simple yet complex, unique, one shade that's many.  Can be hidden in the crowd or stand out alone. olive skin tone, & all the different shades it comes in depending where your eyes land. long piano fingers, with boney knuckles. toes, abused & abstract in design. small bust, chest, collar bones. long neck. butt. Little, but well earned. pear body shape. eyes, my eyelashes & all the tears that have washed them. cheek bones. face, shape & structure. nose, slightly off-center cherry and all.  I even love how when I cry, I turn into Rudolph. lips, light pink & not too big, not too small. smile. teeth. long waist, my hips. stomach, just how it is. The abs I have defined and the stomach I haven't. height, not too tall. curves, my shape. heritage, genetics, roots. drive, energy. strong emotions, feelings. passionate heart. spirit, guided by His grace. love for the Lord. dorkiness & goofy since of humor. love for the arts, for nature, the environment, & for God creatures. weaknesses, my failures-for they have and will help shape me. They reveal to me how much I really do need God. uniqueness, my artistic design. Handcrafted by my Heavenly Father.! & all that it embodies

Sunday, October 9, 2011

In the Eskimo Kiss of my Life

Warm breath gently brushes against her cheek as his velvety lips grace just barely against hers. Foreheads press together and the butterflies begin to dance within her...she knows what's coming.  Noses rub softly together and anticipation builds within as her heart skips a beat awaiting the next few seconds to progress.

That moment right before you kiss the one you love, or your first kiss, not knowing what to expect.  Its one of my favorite moments, although I've experienced it very rarely, the few times I have experienced it, were amazing...and I cannot wait to experience it with my soul mate, the one God has planned for me.

I think the thing that makes the kiss so special is the involvement of all the senses: touch with your lips, cheek, breath, hands, as they gently brush away hair or just  rest against the cheek of the other. Sight, taste, sound, and even vocal as you whisper to one another sweet nothings and I love you.

It's the anticipation that makes the moment before, so valuable to me...those few seconds before one lip begins to dance with another, when your heart is jumping, butterflies are in flight, and your feet begin to leave the ground.  That's what makes the Eskimo kiss or the prelude to a kiss, so invigorating and special for me.  I don't just kiss anyone (hence why I've not kissed much) so the few individuals I have gotten to experience this with, regardless of the ending, were worth it for me.

I was pondering this, when I felt my heavenly Father place it upon my heart that that was where my life was right now. I'm in the "Eskimo kiss" stage of my life. He has promised to bring me someone through others (a prophetic word spoken), through my sister Christina, and through His Word, & I'm trusting and having faith that He will bring it to pass soon and "the desires of the righteous will be granted". So as I wait, I feel like He is telling me that this is where I'm at. I am in the few single moments where the excitement over who my Father God will bring to me begins to flutter within me, and activates - all my senses as well as my spirit. Knowing, however He chooses to usher it in, He will be glorified and give His name glory and honor in the process and let everyone know that He brought us together, and "who God brings together, let no man separate".

Let all know, including myself, that I am worth it, I was worth the wait, to someone out there. That I am beautiful to someone, I am their soul mate, the person they waited for all their lives.

I can bring butterflies within someone, elevating them off the ground. I complete someone.

It's funny the way God works sometimes. I guess the few singles I do know I see finding their mate and I've wondered when it would be that people would look to me and think "they are such a cute couple, they fit together". Randomly, it brought to mind part of the Disney movie The Little Mermaid song: "Part of Your World" in my head. These few lyrics repeating within my head:

"I wanna be where the people are, I wanna see, wanna see 'em dancin'...

Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun,
Wanderin' free, wish I could be, part of that world."

After telling Tina this, she said it was funny cause she almost wanted to Heytell me"You wanna kiss the girl, Sha-la-la-la-la-la " part of the song "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid and neither one of us has seen or thought about that movie in years, or told the other that we were.  It may be silly, but I'm believing it's a sign, a sign that I am rubbing noses with whoever the Lord will be bringing into my life soon.

Yes, I am a silly silly girl, but you are the one who chose to read this all so, blame yourself =P

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Preform a Work in & Through Me...

I want to be a better person than I am...

& I can only do that through Christ Jesus my Lord and Savior...

so I  pray, please Lord, guide to along a closer walk with thee, whisper in my ear...

teach me, forgive me for all the ways I have fallen short & help me grow...

use me...

Love me

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Charlotte's Web of Love

81. Charlotte Elizabeth Jernigan

I've always felt that Marie and I were in some way soul sisters.  Whereas sometimes you feel family has to love you out of obligation, she has always out of choice (although sometimes I have began to wonder why)

I think she's one of the few people that have managed to find my obnoxiousness and over-emotional tendencies more amusing than annoying at this point.  No matter what, she always has been & I know she always will be there for me. I can talk to her about anything and she always understands, and can generally make me smile no matter what my day has been like.  I am one of the few lucky people in this world to have known my best friend my entire life, and hope to continue to do so for the rest of it.

I love her art, and her love of art...I love her, but out of all of her artistic expressions, I love her little artwork hand-formed by the fingers of God our Father the most.

She is the most beautiful thing I think I've ever seen...

...inside and out, throughout her being.

I don't believe I have ever seen such a beautiful baby, such a beautiful lady for that matter.  Her smile has to be one of the most amazing things ever, her expression of pure joy.  While I know what I feel has no comparison to her mother, sometimes I feel I've had a child myself.  I can only hope that if God is willing to fix my hormones and allow me to have children one day, that I will be able to be the mother Marie is.