*Originally written on August 27th, 2010*
The few months before my father passed, while he was on hospice, they had a psychologist come over and talk to him and help him deal with some of his feelings to prepare him to take the final & grandest step of all, the step to be with our Lord & Savior. I am starting to feel like this is what the Lord is doing to me right now, although not to take my final step, but a step to a closer walk with him.
Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt & into the desert for there 40-year trial until they were ready for the promise land. But before they even entered the desert, He lead them through the red sea by parting it, & then had them turn aside to Him for instructions before they even began the desert adventure. Right now, I think I am crossing the Red sea, but instead of parting the waters on either side of me, He's letting them flow all around me, drenching me though my entire core. Knocking down the walls I didn't even realize I had built up all to keep the waters out.
I've really had to relook at not only how I view myself & my goals, but all of it in perspective of my relationship with my heavenly Father. Does what I'm doing really matter? Does it edify Christ? Is it helping blossom my walk with the Lord God Almighty?
I was listening to Joice Myers with my mother one morning and she said something that really spoke to me...she was talking about thoughts and whining and the such, using herself as an example, & said that one time while whining to God (I'm paraphrasing) He said to her 'you have asked a lot of me, now do you want it or not?' How many times do we ask God for things, but when He tries to shape and prepare us for the blessing, we decide its not worth it?
By letting God chastise us, were growing closer to him. By accepting His blessings we are building our relationship with Him, & our love grows all the more. But whenever we reject a blessing because we don't want the struggle, we are in a way rejecting God...were saying that we really don't want a closer relationship with you thanks anyway, your just not worth the struggle. We cannot even fathom everything God the Father & Christ went through to save us through the cross, all because we were worth it to him, but after all that, we have the nerve to tell Him he's not?
I'm not just going to let God break down my walls, I want to help! I want anything I can do to get closer to Him. I found I put so much importance on trivial things-running, health, food, physical relationships & intimacy, money & finances, job, an education-but really the only thing that truly matters, the only thing really worth fighting for is God. I will step out of the boat for Him, I will tear down the walls of false protection and let his clensing stream wash over me...so I can have rivers of life flow through me and lead me on to life everlasting with Him