My chest hurts with love & pain mixed, my stomach feels sick...so much has gone on outside & inside within me. Some good some bad. Old friends returned, close friends felt pushed away...I've hurt those I love.
I want to run & I can't. I just want to hold onto someone & cry, but can't. I want to write the feelings, but no words flow from my finger tips, I want to draw out my emotions, but no pictures form within my mind.
God give me your peace, your sweet serenity, comfort, joy amongst the storm that envelops this holiday season. Help me remember the true meaning of this holiday, the birth of Your son, Jesus Christ, and His love for all mankind.
I know that with You, Your love, all will be okay.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 KJV
Call me, oh God my Father, help me achieve your will for me.
"My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer." ~Psalm 45:1
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
His Spirit raining down
*Originally written on October 2nd 2010*
These past two runs have spoken two very different messages to me. Last week's I was emotionally upset, having a hard time dealing with some feelings and such I wont get into...when I did my studies that morning the verse He pointed out to me was Psalm 5:3
"My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning I will direct it to You, & I will look up."
When I ran the first half I basically just ran out all my emotions, stress, feelings. All the hurt, pain I felt, the open wounds...ran it all out. I thought on the verse, and realized as much as I wanted to, wanted to shout out his glory but I couldn't, I didn't have the strength to look up. As walls of trees passed me by, approaching the middle point I saw an opening and the pale sky and God revealed something to me. How the sun's rays, which usually shine down to the earth from the sky didn't this time, the rays shone from the earth and radiated out. He told me that it was okay that I couldn't lift my voice to Him that morning, it was okay that I couldn't look up. That when I didn't have the strength to lift my head that He would come down to me, and be with me and be my strength. after that, as I reached the middle point where I turned around, I felt all the emotional stress, all the hurt and pain release and just felt Him. And during my run back we didn't talk, He didn't reveal any divine message to me, I just felt Him with me. Felt His love...and I was comforted for He is the Mighty Comforter, my councilor, my all in my time of need. I fought wanting love, wanting a lover, a kiss and redirected it to Him, told Him how I know I was really just wanting Him, wanting Him to kiss me and shortly after that amongst the trees a little golden ray spot, short and sweet and I just knew it was God's way of kissing me...and a little leaf fell gracefully down and I felt like it was Him gracefully touching my cheek, wiping away my tears..And silently we just ran together in each others presence.
The second run, my run today, wasn't too amazing and revealing, just a short sweet taste of Him and His love. I had to cut it short to keep a promise to a friend and so I ran the opposite direction I usually do, away from the sunrise. The birds were so vocal and I felt their excitement for Him, I just pictured them singing "holy holy holy is the LORD God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come! then as I ran over the bridge I passed the golf course (the first passing, I passed an opening to it twice) and saw how the sun had separated the colors in the sky from a deep purple (which shows Man's redemption, Christ and his royalty) to a light pink and then golden white. I reached where I was origionally going to stop and decided to run just a little further. Then just a half a mile later, satisfied, I turned around to head back. and passed the second opening for the golf course again and saw something that made that extra mile so much more worth it. With the small rolling hills of the golf course and a few ponds and such, through an opening of some trees, I saw their sprinklers on raining a gentle mist over everything and behind that the golden sun shining. It reflected off of every single drop from the sprinkler-turning it from just a drop of water into a golden drop of light. Little drops of golden light were glowing down upon everything. What came to mind was the Spirit raining down on me...It gave that a whole new image for me and brings to mind the verse:
"Be glad then, you children of Zion,
And rejoice in the LORD your God;
For He has given you the former
rain faithfully,
And He will cause the rain to come
down for you-
The former rain,
And the latter rain in the first month."
Joel 2:23 NKJV
What's awesome about that also is at my mothers last Lady's & the Lord night (every last Friday of the month) we just began our minor prophets studies and we started with Joel! God is so amazingly awesome! He is so good and wonderful :) He makes me happy
These past two runs have spoken two very different messages to me. Last week's I was emotionally upset, having a hard time dealing with some feelings and such I wont get into...when I did my studies that morning the verse He pointed out to me was Psalm 5:3
"My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning I will direct it to You, & I will look up."
When I ran the first half I basically just ran out all my emotions, stress, feelings. All the hurt, pain I felt, the open wounds...ran it all out. I thought on the verse, and realized as much as I wanted to, wanted to shout out his glory but I couldn't, I didn't have the strength to look up. As walls of trees passed me by, approaching the middle point I saw an opening and the pale sky and God revealed something to me. How the sun's rays, which usually shine down to the earth from the sky didn't this time, the rays shone from the earth and radiated out. He told me that it was okay that I couldn't lift my voice to Him that morning, it was okay that I couldn't look up. That when I didn't have the strength to lift my head that He would come down to me, and be with me and be my strength. after that, as I reached the middle point where I turned around, I felt all the emotional stress, all the hurt and pain release and just felt Him. And during my run back we didn't talk, He didn't reveal any divine message to me, I just felt Him with me. Felt His love...and I was comforted for He is the Mighty Comforter, my councilor, my all in my time of need. I fought wanting love, wanting a lover, a kiss and redirected it to Him, told Him how I know I was really just wanting Him, wanting Him to kiss me and shortly after that amongst the trees a little golden ray spot, short and sweet and I just knew it was God's way of kissing me...and a little leaf fell gracefully down and I felt like it was Him gracefully touching my cheek, wiping away my tears..And silently we just ran together in each others presence.
The second run, my run today, wasn't too amazing and revealing, just a short sweet taste of Him and His love. I had to cut it short to keep a promise to a friend and so I ran the opposite direction I usually do, away from the sunrise. The birds were so vocal and I felt their excitement for Him, I just pictured them singing "holy holy holy is the LORD God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come! then as I ran over the bridge I passed the golf course (the first passing, I passed an opening to it twice) and saw how the sun had separated the colors in the sky from a deep purple (which shows Man's redemption, Christ and his royalty) to a light pink and then golden white. I reached where I was origionally going to stop and decided to run just a little further. Then just a half a mile later, satisfied, I turned around to head back. and passed the second opening for the golf course again and saw something that made that extra mile so much more worth it. With the small rolling hills of the golf course and a few ponds and such, through an opening of some trees, I saw their sprinklers on raining a gentle mist over everything and behind that the golden sun shining. It reflected off of every single drop from the sprinkler-turning it from just a drop of water into a golden drop of light. Little drops of golden light were glowing down upon everything. What came to mind was the Spirit raining down on me...It gave that a whole new image for me and brings to mind the verse:
"Be glad then, you children of Zion,
And rejoice in the LORD your God;
For He has given you the former
rain faithfully,
And He will cause the rain to come
down for you-
The former rain,
And the latter rain in the first month."
Joel 2:23 NKJV
What's awesome about that also is at my mothers last Lady's & the Lord night (every last Friday of the month) we just began our minor prophets studies and we started with Joel! God is so amazingly awesome! He is so good and wonderful :) He makes me happy
Labels:
Christ,
emotions,
God,
Holy Spirit,
Joel 2:23,
Mighty Conforter,
pain,
Psalm 5:3,
running,
sunrise,
wounds
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