5 mile hump day & a STRONGer tomorrow

So today was day 3, and one of the first days we didn't have a rain or storm change looming over my head, so with the beautiful weather I was really looking forward to going on my run today.

The training schedule has either a 5 mile for beginners or 8 mile run for advanced. I was considering the 8 miles if I ended up feeling super awesome during my run, although this is still by first marathon my ego and excitement thought I could handle it...until I got out there that is.

Headed home after work, changed and hooked up Oreo (my furry running buddy) we started out slow, but I was sure after warming up our speed would improve...I was sure...

So that didn't really happen. Usually Oreo can make it for 3 miles but after 1.7-2 miles he was kinda done so I ran him up to the yard and dropped him off.  Hoping that it was partly him slowing me down I started on my own, but yeah no.  My speed didn't improve much, in fact my mind kept wandering off into everything else I didn't need it to, everything about after I was done running.

I was running only to finish running...which is no way to run

I had to make myself focus, prayed for the Lord to help me push through, and finally with His help my speed got better and I finished my run with an extra half mile added for a total of 5.5 miles.

God pulled me through.

After I did my abs routine, same as Monday, and stretched...

I have our second group workout event tomorrow, along with another 5 mile run so I'm kinda scared at how crazy tomorrow will be...only by the Lord above with I survive.

I'm starting to feel so pulled thin, it's hard cause I have a passion for so many things and have so much I want to accomplish, but I've been wanting to run a marathon almost my whole life. It's been on my bucket list from the beginning. Trying to do both is hard to pull off.

I just have to believe that if God gave me the passion He will give me a way

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." 

Joshua 1:9King James Version (KJV)

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

1 Corinthians 10:13King James Version (KJV)

rollin' with my homies and the prophecy group

So today was a cross training day, so I took r30 at Gold's gym, a 30 minute bike class at the gym and then hit a back & arms workout before heading home.  Some of the instructors have talked to me about getting certified to teach ride and becoming a substitute instructor...I didn't realize I was good enough for that. Being a white girl I fit the stereotype of having no rhythm...really I can dance the running man and the macarena.  After discussing with two instructors I respect and looking into it, I cannot afford the training currently and with my marathon training schedule and Team Strong starting I don't want to add it to my schedule, plus it's too expensive to get certified. I'm hoping at the start of next year I might be able to though.

(old picture from my birthday but hey it's what I had)

On Tuesdays I've started attending a Prophecy small group, my mother and her friend host, Sharron and Sharon. I kinda think of it as the Prophecy group by Sharron², two Sharon's for the price of one. Every Tuesday we discuss current events relating to the bible and end times prophecy. My mother has done so much research in this and shared with Sharon, and I've read a bunch she's recommended so it's been very interesting and people I've not even thought originally would be interested have really taken to it so it's been really great.

It brings to mind Acts and the early rain when the church was in the houses, and now the latter rain should be the same.  I don't seem to really feel God and the Lord in church the way I used to, while I go, it seems more about the church as a government then it really does a relationship with the Lord God Almighty.  And with so much going on nowadays that is an obvious sign of the times, it's nice to get together with other believers and discuss what God has been putting on our hearts, encouraging each other, praying, and just the fellowship.  It gives me hope in a world that has so little in it.

Marathon blogging

Hello and sorry it's been awhile. I've thought of posting many times but never did manage to get on here. So today, the same day I start my marathon, my goal is to blog it's progress daily, or at least after the runs.

My plan has me running Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, with a long run on Saturdays.  I plan to try and do strength training on the other days with 1-2 day(s) off.

So here's the tentative schedule:

Monday - run / abs / stretch

Tuesday - r30? / back, chest, arms

Wednesday - run / abs / stretch

Thursday - run / workout

Friday - off / back, chest, arms

Saturday - long run / stretch

Sunday - off / back, chest, arms

I'm not sure if I want my full day off before or after the long run, and also as distance increases whether I should cut and have 2 days off or not but we shall find out!

Today was day 1 and I had to run 6 miles. Wanted to outside but threat of bad weather scared me into the gym instead.

Not my best time but I was going for just a more fun run being my first day. After using Pinterest I found this abs workout which really got me!

 

I only did 3 sets but I'm hoping by the end I'll be up to the 5 sets. 

Anyhoo, here we go!

unconditional acceptance

There are people in all our lives who are supposed to love us regardless of how annoying we can be. It's part of the job description that comes with being in a family, or joining one. I'm not the easiest person to love, obviously or I probably wouldn't still be single, but somehow most of my family figures out a way to love me despite myself. Some can't stop looking towards my past, but try their best to love me despite, and honestly probably would never tell me they love me. They know I assume they do and we keep our relationship there.  But sometimes, family doesn't hold up the job description. So what do you do? It hurts...to realize that they don't. To see them loving so many others in your family, to have such wonderful things to say about everyone else and yet for me, I cannot always feel the same.

This all kinda brought me down yesterday, I had a great time at the movies after work, skipping my workout to eat too much popcorn and then head home to lasagna a dairy-free gal shouldn't eat...which means I ate too much. This made me feel bad, which means once my family found out I get fussed at, lectured and all my actions are looked at as if I still have an eating disorder. While I will admit I struggle with a mental battle that I will probably always have to fight, I am no where close to where I was and I hate when they act like I am.
Anyways the whole thing is all as much my fault for being silly and overemotional as everyone's, so I retreated to take a bath when I realized that I couldn't recall any positive statement made regarding me by one family member in particular. Feeling awkward after that, I kinda hung out in my room, figuring it would be best in my current emotional state anyways.

This morning looking back to the whole evening, my mistakes and what I could change, and what I can't (I do need to work on not letting one night of horrible eating ruin my evening, but I cannot change that my family can't seem to let go of my past) I realized something...

They didn't love Christ either. Christ loved us so much He came down to save all our lives, and while He did have many who loved Him, who spoke kindly of Him, there were more that didn't.  One of His closest, His family of disciples didn't even love Him, and betrayed Him. If the world treats Him that way, someone deserving of so much more love and respect then why would they me?

So WWJD?  What would Jesus do? What did Jesus do...He loved them regardless, He gave His life for them regardless.  And that is what I need to learn, to lay down my life, my needs, my wants for love and acceptance and love them anyways.

Mark 12:30-31King James Version (KJV)

30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

But first I also need to learn to love myself more, I tend to be so hard on myself, always disappointed especially after a night like last night when I behaved so poorly and let my emotions get the best of me. But I cannot change the past I can only give it to God, ask for forgiveness and work towards a better today, a better tomorrow.  If my family can love me despite myself, and if God can love me despite myself, then I should be able to.

Planting Seeds

The fact that I can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another's, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, are to me continual spiritual exercises.

Leo Buscaglia

So I'm supposed to be teaching classes with the Georgia Team workout, so when I get the chance to take a class at my gym, with an instructor I really enjoy that pushes me, I've been watching them, observing to hopefully figure out what about them draws me to work harder, how they make me so much more driven then I am alone.

First was an instructor in Gold's gym's ride class every Saturday morning, 8:15 am.  I'm not one that can ride a bike indoors without being in a decent class. While she's not quite as exuberant as some, as the class goes on she opens up more. Somewhere within the ride get so motivated to keep going, to push myself and I realize its cause as she teaches she is pushing herself as well as everyone else. When she yells at you to keep going, she's really yelling at herself and there is something so motivating about that!  Her drive to give it all she has moves me to do likewise!

The Second Instructor teaches not only ride, but also core and power at least. His sense of  humor as well as attitude and awareness of the class. He uses humor to lighten your mood, and pays attention to all the class, not only to make sure they are doing it correctly, but just so they know they were noticed. No one wants to be in a class where their presence is not acknowledged.  He also does a great job of pushing everyone as he pushes himself.

Passion is an amazing thing, people can see it, can feel it. They know if it's real or if you are just putting on a show. You have to care about what you are doing or people wont care. Every class you teach, you are planting seeds in everyone's life and tending to those seeds.

I have an interesting history with not only food, but fitness and the gym.  At one point I became obsessed with running, and once I ran 10.5 miles, I then had to every time I ran or I would be a failure to myself. This of course is not healthy seeing as I ended up running 10.5 miles 5 days a week. You can only keep that up for so long until it does something to your body, and mind. Especially when your dietary intake is not sufficient enough for that level of exercise. Shortly afterwards I met with someone (now a close friend) and had to basically stop all cardio until I got my weight up...I over ran myself yet again. Then, when able, could only do 10 minutes of cardio a day.

Taking a break ended up being the best thing, not only for me physically and mentally, but for my relationship with running, I had made it a chore, something I was obligated to do and it lost its joy.

I've not regained my love for running along with a better awareness for how far to push myself.  While I am planning on running a marathon this year, I space out my runs and do them at paces and distances that fit. Yesterday for instance, after much fighting with myself I cut my run short since I was not feeling the best that morning and didn't want the 95° temperature to make me worse.  Doing that although reluctantly, made my run so much more enjoyable then if I had tortured myself for the full run I had intended.

Must remember:
I can always run a long run another day...and I am not a horrible person for only running a 5k instead.

(plus Oreo would've not made it for a longer run lol) 

I bring this all up because unknowingly I may have planted seeds in a friends life, I now watch doing the same I did.  Over exercising, under-eating...getting injured from the abuse they're trying to push though and call it 'healthy'. How do you help someone who is doing what you yourself did just a few years ago, heck maybe sooner...I've given advice when they started having a few pains and inquired of me, but I don't feel I'm in a position to just tell them what they are doing to themselves...they wouldn't listen. I never did.

So I stand back, watch and pray...I hope they learn the lesson I did...and hopefully not too late.  I don't know if I am partly to blame or not but it just goes to show you, you never know who might be watching, absorbing your actions, unconsciously or consciously.

Make sure the seeds you plant are fruitful and not weeds

Psalm 139 eyes.

It's funny how some of the smallest things stick with you. A small favor or act, gesture, comments, or questions.

The first thing that my Georgia team workout decided to hold was a Stone Mountain Laser Show

It was such an amazing time!  During our time together at the top, I was asked a question that has stuck with me. 

We were discussing my raynaud's phenomenon when David (mentioned in my last post) thinks this has something to do with my low blood pressure. It tends to be about 96 and when it gets in the 100's I kinda get freaked a bit. I like my blood pressure low, like everything.  I like a low weight, body fat %...and in the midst of all this another friend, who really understands me when it comes to my issues, asked me, 

Why was a low weight, low numbers, so important to me.

Honestly I had to think cause I'm still not really sure, but here's my best attempt for an answer.

I've always liked numbers, I was good at math as a child it came naturally to me really.Addition and subtraction, multiplication, division, fractions, less than, more than, or equal to. They know there place, and they are unchanging, unwavering.  I however haven't always liked myself, I have rarely liked myself really. I'm a perfectionist who feels she's never as good as she wants herself to be. I do the one major no-no and compare myself to people with this killer workout and diet and me, struggling. Mind you we are in two very different places, they oftentimes have lives where it's not as much of a problem, living alone and financially able while I try to balance my healthy lifestyle at home while living with all my family and keep them from getting offended while being totally broke. Do I factor that in when I feel like I've failed, do I count my attempts? No, I failed and in the end, excuses and reasoning doesn't matter I didn't do what I should. This feeling of not meeting my own standards turns into standards I feel everyone else holds to me also, whether they do or not. Mix that with all the years I've been made fun of as a child, and I guess I've learned to not appreciate myself as much as I should. 

That turns into the basic factor that less of me must be a good thing.

Being that I've not dated much, and I've not been in any real long term relationships, subconsciously I've gotten to where I figure it must be me, so then again, less of me may be more appealing then more of me.  

I've always wanted to be this little, petite, girly girl. The one you see looking up at the guy, kissing him on, her toes.  I want to be little enough that I can run and leap randomly on a guy and he'll be able to hold me up. I want to be enveloped by him, covered. Why? Not sure, I guess I feel safer and protected that way. Here again, I'm really into the small thing, my favorite actress for instance is Audrey Hepburn, not that I will ever be as small as her, I find her beautiful on the inside and out. Maybe that's partly why I feel the way I do.

What's amazing about her is that it's not that she loved being small, but she embracd herself in a time when being small wasn't popular. She took what society said wasn't beautiful and dressed it up and believed it was anyways.

 It's something I'm working on.  While I've improved on my number obsession, and I've learned to love me (I like me more currently then I have previously in all of my life) but it is still a process, I've spent many years putting too much importance on the "less is more" concept and it's not something I can mentally just turn off. But we are all a work in progress, and this is just my own and with Christ's help I'll begin to see myself through Psalm 139 eyes.

Strength becomes me

How Strong are you?

I don't necessarily mean just physically, but strength in its entirety. 

strong

 adjective \ˈstrȯŋ\

: having great physical power and ability : having a lot of strength

: not easy to break or damage

: not sick or injured

stron·ger  stron·gest 

Full Definition of STRONG

1

:  having or marked by great physical power

2

:  having moral or intellectual power

3

:  having great resources (as of wealth or talent)

4

:  of a specified number <an army ten thousand strong>

5

a :  striking or superior of its kind <a strong resemblance>

b :  effective or efficient especially in a specified direction<strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez>

6

:  forceful, cogent <strong evidence> <strong talk>

7

:  not mild or weak :  extreme, intense: as

a :  rich in some active agent <strong beer>

b of a color :  high in chroma

c :  ionizing freely in solution <strong acids and bases>

d :  magnifying by refracting greatly <a strong lens>

8

obsolete :  flagrant

9

:  moving with rapidity or force <a strong wind>

10

:  ardent, zealous <a strong supporter>

11

a :  not easily injured or disturbed :  solid

b :  not easily subdued or taken <a strong fort>

12

:  well established :  firm <strong beliefs>

13

:  not easily upset or nauseated <a strong stomach>

14

:  having an offensive or intense odor or flavor :  rank<strong breath>

15

:  tending to steady or higher prices <a strong market>

16

:  of, relating to, or being a verb that is inflected by a change in the root vowel (as strive, strove, striven) rather than by regular affixation

— strong adverb

— strong·ish  adjective

— strong·ly  adverb

That is a lot for just one word.

It has such a deeper meaning then most of us really consider. This is what I want to be. Strong. Not just physically powerful, but morally and intellectually, rich in some active agent (that agent for me being Christ and God the Father) and magnifying and refracting greatly His eternal light. To be well established, not easily injured or disturbed, moving with force, not easily upset.

Striking and superior of my kind.

And yes, there are a few that aren't so attractive, 14, 15, & 16 I'd rather not be really. But for the most part, strength is such a complex and beautiful thing