Wednesday, July 2, 2014

unconditional acceptance

There are people in all our lives who are supposed to love us regardless of how annoying we can be. It's part of the job description that comes with being in a family, or joining one. I'm not the easiest person to love, obviously or I probably wouldn't still be single, but somehow most of my family figures out a way to love me despite myself. Some can't stop looking towards my past, but try their best to love me despite, and honestly probably would never tell me they love me. They know I assume they do and we keep our relationship there.  But sometimes, family doesn't hold up the job description. So what do you do? It realize that they don't. To see them loving so many others in your family, to have such wonderful things to say about everyone else and yet for me, I cannot always feel the same.

This all kinda brought me down yesterday, I had a great time at the movies after work, skipping my workout to eat too much popcorn and then head home to lasagna a dairy-free gal shouldn't eat...which means I ate too much. This made me feel bad, which means once my family found out I get fussed at, lectured and all my actions are looked at as if I still have an eating disorder. While I will admit I struggle with a mental battle that I will probably always have to fight, I am no where close to where I was and I hate when they act like I am.
Anyways the whole thing is all as much my fault for being silly and overemotional as everyone's, so I retreated to take a bath when I realized that I couldn't recall any positive statement made regarding me by one family member in particular. Feeling awkward after that, I kinda hung out in my room, figuring it would be best in my current emotional state anyways.

This morning looking back to the whole evening, my mistakes and what I could change, and what I can't (I do need to work on not letting one night of horrible eating ruin my evening, but I cannot change that my family can't seem to let go of my past) I realized something...

They didn't love Christ either. Christ loved us so much He came down to save all our lives, and while He did have many who loved Him, who spoke kindly of Him, there were more that didn't.  One of His closest, His family of disciples didn't even love Him, and betrayed Him. If the world treats Him that way, someone deserving of so much more love and respect then why would they me?

So WWJD?  What would Jesus do? What did Jesus do...He loved them regardless, He gave His life for them regardless.  And that is what I need to learn, to lay down my life, my needs, my wants for love and acceptance and love them anyways.

Mark 12:30-31King James Version (KJV)

30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.
31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

But first I also need to learn to love myself more, I tend to be so hard on myself, always disappointed especially after a night like last night when I behaved so poorly and let my emotions get the best of me. But I cannot change the past I can only give it to God, ask for forgiveness and work towards a better today, a better tomorrow.  If my family can love me despite myself, and if God can love me despite myself, then I should be able to.

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