Crazy Cats & Turkeys

It's been awhile, sorry about that.

I finally ran on the trail the other day, only 6 miles but it was nice to be back there, even for a moment, with just God and nature.

First it was how I was going to be meeting my husband soon, and now it's how amazing I look-God has been really trying to get messages through to me. No matter how I try I cannot seem to get this recent weight gain off, so I've decided to try and accept it, and just be healthy instead.  Not easy for someone like myself especially since it's the heaviest I've weighed in years and years. Fears of being my old overweight self come flooding to my memory still, and it's a continuous battle to fight them off. Could I be happy at this weight, sure probably but the real question is will I let myself?  After that the fact that I'm now 28 it was really hitting home that I'm 2 years from 30 and still single as ever.  It took a bit for me to become comfortable with it, but I think I'm alright now. Not only the little love messages from God, but just finally not caring and enjoying my life either way. As much as I do want someone, I will be totally happy at this point being all on my own for the rest of my life, although I may need to start my cat collection soon, no old maid is complete without one.

Why do I let my weight effect me so much?  Why cannot I get past this?  Who knows, but being a female in today's society I guess it's a battle that I will be fighting until the Lord returns. On that note, a friend posted a really great article about cellulite:

Cellulite: It’s Time We All Just Get the Hell Over It

For any (and every honestly) lady out there, I think this is a good read and really helps put your self evaluations back in the real world, a world where women have cellulite, no matter the size.


In other news, I've wanted to order a new book and have a (free) phone consultation with a new doctor from FloLiving. The book is called Women Code, by Alisa Vitti. A Friend recommended her and she's a holistic doctor so we shall see how this goes!

Also I signed myself, my friend Chelsi, and sister Christina up for the Gobblejog 10k this year!  W00t w00t! Hopefully Tina can get herself back into running mode, but either way it'll be a fun way to start Thanksgiving. This will be Chelsi's first 10k, & since I was there for her first 5k I'm glad I get to be a part of it.

And to end on a happy note, my bff Marie is pregnant again!!! So excited!!!  She has the cutest little girl in all the world.

 

Little things, little thoughts

It is amazing how some of the simplest things can help you're self esteem and make you feel beautiful.

I recently went to Panama City with a friend for a christian teaching seminar (to keep her company) for the A Beka Program. The seminar itself was in Pensacola Florida but we decided to stop in Panama for the weekend before and after to hit the beach. So fun! Anyhoo the seminar was quite amazing, we attended the 1st grade classes since that's what she will be teaching in a few weeks and I'm so excited for her. You could really feel the love of the Lord there.

That's me and my bestie Chelsi!

Before we arrived, back in Panama I decided to pick up some quality face wash, extra make up, a couple of dresses, and some new blouses to maybe try wearing when I got back to work. It's amazing how just taking the time to take care of my skin and put on some nice makeup really helps you love yourself more. It's such a small thing but I've felt a great deal better about myself the first 3 days so rock on, the last few have been a little tougher.

We are worth it!

I'm also trying to get into eating right and better workout habits, not end up munching, skipping the gym so much, or only doing cardio. I'm only doing a little weights each time, but it's something! Once I get into healthier habits and better shape I think the joy will return.
I know this is a step that will help me get there again.

While I'm slowly working on these I've got to learn to hold my head up high and love myself regardless,which is the hardest step of all and one I've never truly passed I don't think. It's hard to really grasp with such an ambiguous nature, how does one really make a concrete attainable goal out of this?   If you've followed my blog any you've read all the different attempts I've used so far...

Lastly I'm currently working on growing spiritually. I want my relationship with the Lord to grow, to have a stronger foundation, stronger relationship, more wisdom, and more faith.  To really understand what He meant by loving the LORD with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. With passion and actions, God will attend to my cry.

I wish I could say I'm still as happy and joyous currently as I was with the simple makeup earlier this week but I'm not, I feel like I've let myself down, failed, but realization of failure is just my turning point.  I shouldn't let my weight and physical appearance affect my mood so much, but I am a work in progress, and honestly healthy living is part of who I am, so by not taking care of myself the way I should, I'm hurting myself in ways others might not understand.

Things I need to remember mentally & work on while reaching these goals:

• Not feeling like a failure every skip day
• Not comparing ANYTHING of mine to ANYONE ELSE, I am unique
•  It isn't about weight, body fat, BMI...it isn't about numbers, its about healthy living and taking care of myself
• Pay more attention to caloric quality and not just quantity.
• Smiling regardless of how I feel.

Things I need to remember nutritionally speaking:

• Don't eat so much dairy! As little as possible without obsessing
• Remember protein after workouts
• Talk to an RD student intern and get guidance 
• Cut back/out grains, as little as possible
• Eat as clean and natural as possible
• no munching
• smaller portions, no seconds!

Things I need to remember workout-wise

• always remember to push myself
• stick to an hour 6 days/week
•  remember weights!
• stretch after working out a little
• stretch routine at least on off day
• Fit in chiropractic back wellness routine sometime during the day.

The need is here, the desire is here, so just do it!

Current

 I don't try to do a lot of these, but heck why not? Here's one from a Peanut Butter Fingers blog I thought was entertaining enough to pass some time at work:

Currently

Current Book(s):
I have two I'm reading, one is titled Cosmic Codes: Hidden Messages From the Edge of Eternity, by Chuck Missler

Other then that, I'm reading over a coworkers-husband's-friend's novel called Paradise by Mark Cahill, it's alright so far, but not really my cup of tea for a fiction novel, christian or otherwise. 

Current Music:
A new alternative radio station called radio 105.7 (96.7) which I'm totally rockin' to, otherwise just Christian Contemporary really.

Current Guilty Pleasure:
Coffee, I drink way more then I should

Current Nail Color:
Natural with little old flakes of purple on my toes. Next pedicure I'm thinking bright pink, light green of some sorts, or maybe white with a cute design...who knows!
Current Drink:
Flavored Sparkling &/or carbonated water (sugar free)

Current Food:
baby carrots and fruit

Current Favorite Show:
The Big Bang Theory with my sister at the gym, otherwise Bones & Fringe! Thanks to Netflix!

Current Wish List:
$300 to go to a homeschooling certificate training thing with my friend Chelsi! Also a new mattress, and money to catch my pets up at the vet...and a new fridge cause ours is dying sadly :(

Current needs:
A haircut, pedicure

Current Indulgence:
Coconut Ice cream! 

Current Blessing:
My friends and family, and all the love God provides for me every day through them and others! Also having a car that works well seeing as two members of my family can't say that!

Current Outfit:
yoga pants & a Life University tee with sparkly flip-flops for an easy change for the gym (which I'll be heading to soon!)

Current Excitement:
The Supercon with my friend Marie and her little girl Charlotte June 1st and then a massage with my friend Chelsi Sunday!

That did it I think, off to workout with a friend! Have an awesome Memorial day weekend!

Don't Judge Me

Single

White

Female

...no I'm not a psycho chick, or being stalked by one, these are just a few of the traits people can judge me by. Along with age, physical stature, religious views, sexual preferences, clothing style, hair & eye color, etc.,

I know throughout history race has caused much pain to others not like themselves. People sharing my shade of melanin have especially so maybe this is payback, but for the first time I can remember I was judged my my skin color and gender (with a small portion of my age and physical appearance probably on the side).

I went to workout with a black ex-trainer friend at a his gym, LA Fitness, for a quick workout after work. I've worked out with him and his other buddy (also black) once before no problem.

We first met at work and upon finding out we not only share the same initials, but also last name and church,  instantaneously we became friends. That afternoon right when we were getting started some guy who worked there stopped him to talk

and they talked

I didn't want to start without him since we usually circuit machines together so after a while I went to see what he was doing, I figured he just got involved in a conversation since he is a very charismatic person...but nope.  The gentlemen talking with him looked at me funny as I approached then glancing back at him I didn't see what was going on really.

Well the guy walked away and we were going to get started but I could tell my friend was really upset. I went on to workout as he waited for what seemed like an eternity and  after talking with two different people discovered what the problem really was...

"you were working out with your buddy and that's cool but now you're working out with these white chicks" (plural entitling my sister who had just bought a membership (and closed it just as fast).

Apparently it was alright for him to workout with a black gentlemen just fine, but if it is a female and she is Caucasian that is a no-no.  He said honestly even if I was a black chick they would probably not have an issue with it since I'd either be his sister, cousin, or 'the girl on the side' but since I'm white, I cannot possibly be a workout buddy.



Needless to say I will not be joining LA Fitness anytime soon, not that all of them are that way but I'd rather not after all this.

Why is it people seem to have such a problem accepting what is different then them?  We all are entitled to have our own opinion and feelings, and I'm not saying to disregard that, but that doesn't give anyone the right to hate what isn't them. Respect the other person's right for the same.

Enjoy our differences, I remember a DC Talk song "Colored People" that keeps playing in the back of my mind...

Pardon me, your epidermis is showing, mister
I couldn't help but note your shade of melanin
I tip my hat to the colorful arrangement
Cause I see the beauty in the tones of our skin


We've gotta come together
And thank the Maker of us all

(chorus)
We're colored people, and we live in a tainted place
We're colored people, and they call us the human race
We've got a history so full of mistakes
And we are colored people who depend on a Holy Grace

[1, 1, 1, 1... 2, 2, 2, 2... 3, 3, 3, 3... 4, 4, 4, 4]

A piece of canvas is only the beginning for
It takes on character with every loving stroke
This thing of beauty is the passion of an Artist's heart
By God's design, we are a skin kaleidoscope

We've gotta come together,
Aren't we all human after all?

(repeat chorus)

Ignorance has wronged some races
And vengeance is the Lord's
If we aspire to share this space
Repentance is the cure

[1, 1, 1, 1... 2, 2, 2, 2... 3, 3, 3, 3... 4, 4, 4, 4]

Well, just a day in the shoes of a color blind man
Should make it easy for you to see
That these diverse tones do more than cover our bones
As a part of our anatomy

(repeat chorus)

We're colored people, and they call us the human race
[Oh, colored people]
We're colored people, and we all gotta share this space
[Yeah we've got to come together somehow]
We're colored people, and we live in a tainted world
[Red and yellow, black and white]
We're colored people, every man, woman, boy, and girl
[Colored people, colored people, colored people, colored people, yeah]

beauty-filled

What's beautiful? a blogger I follow recently asked that. Another wrote regarding her difficulty in not comparing and demeaning herself.  Along with friends, sisters, and so many other women out there it seems no matter how we try, loving ourselves is the hardest part for most women.

"Love others as ourselves" Matthew and Mark both mention Jesus teaching on this and while society generally puts the focus on the loving others part but that has a condition attached we all tend to look over.

love others as ourselves - others as = love ourselves

Why does this seem to be so hard?  Knowing God doesn't make junk  we heard growing up but for some reason it didn't really sink in.

So back to the original question, what's beautiful to me? How do I define beautiful?  

LOVE is beautiful, and to me nothing will be beautiful unless I view it through love. Or I have love for it...including myself.

God is love, so does that mean I automatically should find myself beautiful because I believe in Him, I'm made in His image, and have Jesus Christ residing within me? not necessarily.

Not if I don't see that love for myself.  

Not if my perfectionism gets in the way. 

Not if numbers gets in the way.

Not with a comparative, competitive nature.

Not without trusting my the strength God has given me. 

Not until I forgive and embrace myself for my imperfections.

Not unless I work towards it.

And I am, its a slow process with many failures and a filter that will take some elbow grease before I will be able to see clearly, or at least clearer.

^"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity." 1 Corinthians 13:12-13 KJV

I recommend rereading 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, but think about yourself, and how you treat yourself.

 

Meditate on Him

So I've done a ton of races this year... we have a local St. Patty's day 5k, The Color Run, The Badass Dash, and the most recent Superhero Scramble. 

 

My next is the Supercon Fun Run with a best buddy (Marie to the left #73282) and her little girl. The best part? We are going to dress up! Cannot wait!
 (I'm a dork I know)



In other news, I'm getting better at accepting my weight gain. My family wants me to keep it, I don't necessarily but am learning to love me how I am, and also adjust to getting older and the higher body fat percentages that go along with it.  I figure getting more tone and back to a regular workout routine, something I've lacked with all the craziness recently, will not only help tone me again, but also with my opinion of myself and my mood (yay endorphins!) On a positive note it's kinda nice to have a decent tushy now. On a negative one, it is never alright to ask a girl if she's expecting!  And why is it only women who ask this?  Really you would think they would know better!

My Work has recently really gotten into meditation which is kinda weird for some people, and I'm sure there are those that think this is only a new-age or middle-eastern practice but it's not. Actually even the bible mentions meditating, actually the New King James does 20 times (taken from BibleGateway.com):

1. Genesis 24:63
   And Isaac went out to meditate in the field in the evening; and he lifted his eyes and looked, and there, the camels were coming.
   Genesis 24:62-64 (in Context) Genesis 24 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
2. Joshua 1:8
   This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
   Joshua 1:7-9 (in Context) Joshua 1 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
3. Psalm 1:2
   But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.
   Psalm 1:1-3 (in Context) Psalm 1 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
4. Psalm 4:4
   Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah
   Psalm 4:3-5 (in Context) Psalm 4 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
5. Psalm 63:6
   When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches.
   Psalm 63:5-7 (in Context) Psalm 63 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
6. Psalm 77:6
   I call to remembrance my song in the night; I meditate within my heart, And my spirit makes diligent search.
   Psalm 77:5-7 (in Context) Psalm 77 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
7. Psalm 77:12
   I will also meditate on all Your work, And talk of Your deeds.
   Psalm 77:11-13 (in Context) Psalm 77 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
8. Psalm 119:15
   I will meditate on Your precepts, And contemplate Your ways.
   Psalm 119:14-16 (in Context) Psalm 119 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
9. Psalm 119:23
   Princes also sit and speak against me, But Your servant meditates on Your statutes.
   Psalm 119:22-24 (in Context) Psalm 119 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
10. Psalm 119:27
    Make me understand the way of Your precepts; So shall I meditate on Your wonderful works.
    Psalm 119:26-28 (in Context) Psalm 119 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
11. Psalm 119:48
    My hands also I will lift up to Your commandments, Which I love, And I will meditate on Your statutes.
    Psalm 119:47-49 (in Context) Psalm 119 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
12. Psalm 119:78
    Let the proud be ashamed, For they treated me wrongfully with falsehood; But I will meditate on Your precepts.
    Psalm 119:77-79 (in Context) Psalm 119 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
13. Psalm 119:148
    My eyes are awake through the night watches, That I may meditate on Your word.
    Psalm 119:147-149 (in Context) Psalm 119 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
14. Psalm 143:5
    I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Your works; I muse on the work of Your hands.
    Psalm 143:4-6 (in Context) Psalm 143 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
15. Psalm 145:5
    I will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty, And on Your wondrous works.
    Psalm 145:4-6 (in Context) Psalm 145 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
16. Isaiah 33:18
    Your heart will meditate on terror: “Where is the scribe? Where is he who weighs? Where is he who counts the towers?”
    Isaiah 33:17-19 (in Context) Isaiah 33 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
17. Malachi 3:16
    [ A Book of Remembrance ] Then those who feared the Lord spoke to one another, And the Lord listened and heard them; So a book of remembrance was written before Him For those who fear the Lord And who meditate on His name.
    Malachi 3:15-17 (in Context) Malachi 3 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
18. Luke 21:14
    Therefore settle it in your hearts not to meditate beforehand on what you will answer;
    Luke 21:13-15 (in Context) Luke 21 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
19. Philippians 4:8
    [ Meditate on These Things ] Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
    Philippians 4:7-9 (in Context) Philippians 4 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
20. 1 Timothy 4:15
    Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.
    1 Timothy 4:14-16 (in Context) 1 Timothy 4 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations

The way the instructor described meditation it seems that you are calming and quieting the mind down, relaxing, and focusing on one thing, breath for example. Not being too awake but not dozing off either.

The first few times I focused on my breathing as he instructed (we have been doing his introduction to meditation) but this time I chose to focus and think on God Almighty.

To me it seems that prayer is us talking to God, and meditation is when we quiet ourselves down, internally and externally, and let God speak to us. We just listen.

It doesn't have to be long, but I want you to just try it sometime...you don't need to sign praise songs to Him, you can be thankful but don't be thanking Him, just listen to Him...respectfully and lovingly quiet yourself before our loving Father and see how your relationship grows!

I'm Only Responsible for Myself

In the end, it's only going to be God & me...me & God, no one else, so what I do is all that matters

It's also all I can control. That and my emotional response...I'm still working on not letting the injustices that I see going on around me upset me. I tend to have a high moral and ethical standard for myself and some of those around me so I'm constantly having to remember that.

Why is it that some people, think that they are good people, making them better then others, which in turn puts them above the law, above the rest of us? That the same integrity and ethics don't apply to them anymore.

I hate to say it but there are many Christians I see do this all the time.

They are a good little christian so they are just "blessed" with the privilege to do what they want, but really if you were a true God-fearing soul, how could you honestly face the LORD Almighty and know

that you mistreat others and disrespect His creations, thus disrespecting Him. I don't know, I mean some people would say I'm blowing it out of proportion but as I stated earlier, I hold myself to a very high standard, so if I can see things this way, why can't others?

Are they messed up or is it my point of view that is?

And what makes a person good anyhoo? How does one believe in good?

I like how google defines the term:

good

/go͝od/

Adjective
To be desired or approved of.

Noun
That which is morally right; righteousness.

Adverb
Well: "my mother could never cook this good".

Synonyms
adjective. nice - kind - fine
noun. benefit - profit - advantage - avail - welfare - use
adverb. well - nicely - fine - right - okay



I guess really good is, by definition, largely a self-determined term. We each decide what, for us, is morally right or righteous. My definition derives from the way I was raised, with two hard-working God-fearing parents, each with an amazing level of integrity and love for others. I try everyday to hold up to that, to what I feel the Lord expects of me, of what I expect of myself.

Since I have Christ within me, I expect only the best.

And maybe I'm a perfectionist but I'd rather fail and attempting perfection then to never try to reach it. My standards are way out of my reach but I'd rather break my arm and see how far I can make it then to just sit still and never aim at all. When I have my one-on-one with my heavenly Father I want to hear

"21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord." Matthew 25:21 KJV

But I must also realize that I cannot define "good" for others. Each of us has to determine how we wish to write it within our hearts. And that will change how we view not only ourselves, but others.

We each see others through the same eyes we see ourselves.

Just remember they aren't you. Don't let their actions determine you.


Here is Merriam-Webster's definition just for GOOD measure (teehee):