Change of Mindset

Thursday Thoughts: Fill in the Blank

A few weeks ago a blogger asked me to fill in the blank:

I am _______.

At first honeslty all that comes to mind is horrifyingly  imperfect.  My imperfections as of late have taken a hold on me, and are slowly becoming something my perfectionist-side is having a hard time coming to grips with.  It's bad enough when my shortcomings effect myself, but when they start to hurt others, especially my best friends during one of the most important times in her life...they become an insurmountable obstacle blocking me from my path to becoming happy, joyful, & accepting of myself.

My journey to loving myself.

Another friend of mine & blogger I follow wrote in her most recent post

 "So, my advice, to myself and to anyone else who takes the time to read this: Enjoy your current season. Good and bad. For their will never be another quite like your current one..."

This really spoke to me. Just enjoy where I am, yes I am imperfect. I fail sometimes, I fall short of the goal, but I need to learn to just enjoy the lesson learned from each mistake.  Just relax and let God gently and kindly guide me. Enjoy where I am...Enjoy who I am

 I am _____.

There is so much power in that! I kinda got into this last blog so I won't go scripture crazy today but I will list off some of my own positive affirmations. Hopefully some of them will stick & will help to pull me out of the punish-mental funk I've dropped myself into. I may have done this before, but I guess sometimes you just need to remind yourself :)

I am a child of God!

I am blessed & highly favored!

I am saved by the grace of God & Jesus Christ.

I am exactly where I need to be.

I am exactly who I need to be.

I am perfectly imperfect.

I am made divinely in the image of God, by the hand of God.

I am made with a purpose, a purpose to love those who need it, including myself.

I am beautiful & wonderfully made.

I am joyful, positive, uplifting, and helpful.

I am a servant of the LORD

I am important.

I am needed.

I am loved.

A little goes a LONG way...

It's amazing to me how the simplest of things, the smallest of thoughts entertained, can make the most difference.  At least being a girl, being this girl, I can go from loving myself to tears all from one little number or dress or thought.

Why do things like that effect us so, why do we let the little things creep inside and ruin a perfectly good day?

This totally happened to me. One picture and I was broken in a million pieces...how sad to let something so trivial affect me so much.  While my sisters helped, especially Elena, I'm kinda annoyed I was weak enough to fall for the negative train my mind likes to go on.  I've always tried to work on by pessimistic attitude, to flip it but this time I earned a F.

It shows you how much a little thought, small joke, or bit of sarcasm can really effect you (regardless if you think it does or not).  Studies have been done to prove the effect your thoughts can have on your mind and physical well-being.  Being someone who suffers from negativity, I've learned the truth regarding the thoughts-to-tongue connection.

"If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain" James 1:26 KJV

"Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. 

Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:  But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

 

Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God." James 3:4-9 KJV

The New Kings James version mentions a ships rudder instead of helm, a slightly different aspect of the same intention.. A focus on how something so small can change the course of something so big!  

 "Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things." James 3:4-5 NKJV

It's just a friendly reminder I think we all can use regarding keeping a positive outlook, positive thoughts, & positive speech towards ourselves & others.

Things can always be worse...instead of being down because the glass is half empty, be glad it's not broken. If the glass is broken, then be glad your dirty dishes just got that much lighter!

"For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:" 1 Peter 3:10 KJV

One last verse but something to really think about. Instead of giving yourself so much idle time to think of the poor emptying glass, how about instead doing something positive for others to take your mind off of it!  Nothing can make you feel better then when you reach out & lend a helping hand who's needs are greater then your own.  

My church has always been big in outreach but what's neat is recently my work has been also.  They now do something for the community in the area on most Saturdays.  What could be better for a stressed & overwhelmed student or tired and overworked employee then to take their mind off of themselves, their studies/jobs, and offering help to those around them.  The few volunteering things I do take part of always leaves me feeling more fulfilled and uplifted then before.

"Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established" Proverbs 16:3 KJV

Just some things to think on this weekend and hopefully we can begin autumn in a positive manner, with love to ourselves and others

Exciting Things All Around

It's been awhile, and sorry about that so much has been going on with me it's crazy!

First, I've started going to The Goldberg Clinic with doctors named Dr. Paul Goldberg MPH, DC, DACBN, DCBCN and Dr. David Tener, DC.  He was VERY highly recommended for me and my current health problems including IBS & my missing cycle (which is 1-1 1/2 years + at this point) that no other doctors can seem to figure out. He gave me a delayed food allergy test and a bacteria test and found out I apparently:

Food Allergies:

• Severe: Milk
• Moderate: Mustard Seed
• Mild: Almonds, Cashews, Peanuts, Sunflower, Crab

Here were a few of my favorite things:

 

Nonfat Greek Yogurt

 

Mustard

 

Unsweetened Almond milk

 

And Peanut butter...need I say more?

*A moment of silence*

Does is suck not being able to eat these & many other things, yes of course. Will I get over it, yes of course. I'm already feeling better so that is motivation enough to keep at it! 

Bacteria:

I don't have any severe but I do apparently have one (I can't recall the name of & the results page is still in the mail currently) that is at a warning level and if it progresses can lead to autoimmune disorders/diseases.  Since I already suffer with Raynaud's Phenomenon which can be a precursor for that it definitely got my attention. 

He did a fast, or a cleanse for me in the beginning for 7-8 days to heal my gut and now I'm on a limited diet while we continue that healing process. During the cleanse I wasn't allowed to exercise which was a killer for me to grasp, but I think in the end a healthy maneuver not just physically but mentally as well. He also wants me to get some sun exposure (skin showing & no sunscreen) & not just for the vitamin D.  It's definitely different, but I am feeling better so it's exciting also!



Second, my bestie Chelsi is getting married!  I'm so excited & I'm the maid of honor so I'm also crazy busy planning lol.  But it's totally worth it!

Thirdly, I'll be joining a fellow Georgia blogger Tina Reale (& much better then myself might-I-add) Best Body Bootcamp! I found her though one of the cutest bloggers I follow, Peanut Butter Fingers.  I'm so excited I cannot wait!  From what I gather she seems to be into circuit workouts which I've not done a ton of so it'll be a new experience & one I think my workout could use! What's also neat is she is a believer & invited me to the blogger bootcamp get-together thingy they have at the end of each month!  It'll be really nice to get to meet new people & get a good workout at the same time...if my life will slow down enough for me to go to one!

Hebrews 12

This has been a very interesting week, well interesting time in my life recently really.  My birthday, mom's birthday, applied for a new job (finger's crossed with many prayers!), current work has been crazy busy, some outings scheduled with friends & family, and one blind-date (didn't work out though). Mix that with the emotional stress I put myself under on a normal basis anyhoo, two of my closest friends battling severe depression, major financial battles that not only I am enduring, but having to watch many of my family members go through the same...it has also been very overwhelming!

So when one of my friends had to cancel today, I decided to take the wonderful weather welcoming September in as a chance to have a run with God.

When I run with one of my running partners we go 4-6 miles, when I run with the other I run 6-8 miles, when I run with just myself I run 10.5 miles, and when I run for the world I run 13.5-14 miles (a very rare run indeed)...no matter the distance I always run with the Lord!

This was a 10.5 mile kind of day. A just run everything off kind of day. I ran with just God, no music, no conversation...just God and me.  Emptying myself onto Him, my thoughts and fears, reaffirmed my trust and faith in His decisions and spoke that no matter what happened, I knew it was His will and I would follow.  I didn't know what the future holds, who my soul mate is, where I'll live or work, how my bills will work out, but I know that they will...through Him and His hand on my life, it will all be okay.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ² looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." 

Hebrews 12: 1-2 NKJV

Ending this blog post on a positive note, my friend's father and the outreach pastor stood in the place for my father and spoke a blessing over me a few weeks ago. One that I cherish, and now get to see every time I wake up!  Knowing that my heavenly Father's blessings are on me, over me, and awaiting me, I cannot wait to see what His Almighty plans will be!

One thing the future does hold for me....Autumn & the state fair!!! Yay!

The Female Masterpiece

Recently, the subject of women and equality has been coming up through work topics and friend's posts, and I've finally decided to write my perspective on the matter.

We are not men (shocking I know)

I don't want to be 'equal' to man, I don't think I can do anything a man does.  I am not a man, I am a women.  While we are no less than a man, we are no more than them either. I recommend everyone watch The Science of the Sexes as well as read this article from Discovery Health: Do Men & Women Have Different Brains?

^"And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Genesis 2:20-25 KJV

Women are God's creative expression of His amazing love for man.  We were made to be enjoyed, cherished, treasured, protected, and loved.  I don't want a man who is like me, I want a man.  Masculine, protective, logical & loving, tall, dark-haired (preferred), & handsome.  A guy that will make me feel petite, delicate, & beautiful.  I am part of man, a vital, elaborate & intricate, individualized, porcelain masterpiece. I don't want to be compared to a man, nor do I want to be one.  I am physically weaker but emotionally stronger.  While men carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, we carry their weight on ours along with the rest of the family.

We were made to complete each other, not be each other. Yes women are strong, smart, & capable.  We are just as capable at certain things, but in the end, were not a man (I'm not at least).  There are & will always be things that my brother-in-laws are better at then I am. But there are also things that I will always be better at then they are.  It's the even exchange.  Cats are cats and dogs are dogs, both are awesome pets but one is not the other.

Heads and tails may be on one coin but the head will never be the tail and the tail will never be the head, they will remain on opposite sides where they balance each other out.

“Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.” – This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, the book where all of the sayings and preaching of Rabbis are conserved over time."

A heavenly Father's day.

So yesterday was Father's day, an always hard to remember holiday even before my father's passing. It wasn't a day I gave much thought to, but for some reason as I sat in the early service in church it did, he did.

I miss my father.

To me was a genius, botanist, doctor and veterinarian, master craftsman, Mr. fix it, IT guy, adventure tour-guide, and I think he even worked for NASA.  He could beat anyone in arm-wrestling as well as the computer at chess, perfect griller, master of flowers, created his own variety of corn, outdoor maze designer, built the worlds largest tree swing, zip-line, and one of the best people to have with you out at the lake. He had a great sense of humor, one of the best laughs, and could have one of the creepiest (if the situation or story called). My sisters and I got to be his hat and boots as we would hang all over him while he would walk us around. He would sit us and our friends in the crazy super swing he created on our hill and pull us way back, ask if we wanted to go to the moon...and then let us fly! During storms when the power would go out, it was his little orange tip of his cigarette you would look for to come bouncing up the stairs as we would all run and grab him to protect us.

My father was a family-man.  After Christ himself, he taught us about the real definition of love thy brother (or sister in our case). That no matter what, you only got one family. One sister, mother, father, and no matter what they do, love forgives all. I can thank him for the closeness and bonds I feel with my sisters and brother-in-laws, and with my mother, and with him before he passed.

Coming from a very poor and rough childhood and not really knowing his own father or having a family was really like, he worked very hard to give us the life he did.  He was a green beret in the army, and the most physically fit of his entire platoon.  He was a medic while in the army and then left to go to complete college and worked as a campus cop full-time at the same time.  Worked hard, constantly aiming to be the perfect dad before and after the tumor really took hold.  And while things changed as the brain tumor took over more and more, his passion didn't.  He would wake up before 5am, make coffee, breakfast, feed the dogs, warm my mom's car (if needed) and see us off to school.  Not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

Daddy had his faults, we all did and still do. But loving us was something he was amazing at.  While I may not have gotten to have the normal childhood most do, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Even near the end I can recall things like cleaning his nails for him, just talking...joking with him about Stanford and Son, listening to his often painful life stories, and just gleaning what I could of his intelligence.  He was quick to brag on all of us, even for the little things: mom's coffee, my tea, and especially Dan's birthday steak and lobster. Always thankful and appreciative for our help.

Nearing the end I can remember that all he wanted was to hold my mother's hand.  He was okay as long as she stood beside him, as she always had. The one true love of his life and hers hand-in-hand.  The pain was bearable as long as he was connected to his soul-mate. I can only hope that one day soon God will bless me with a love as strong as theirs with my own soul mate.

The last moments he waited for all three of us as well as my mother to be around him before he said his "I love yous" and departed to be with God and watch over us from above.  Now we all await the day that we will one day join him, hug him, love him.

I hope you had a happy heavenly Father's Day daddy.

LORD Love Notes

I had two little God-moments recently, His little "I love you" and "I see you" messages He sends me from time to time, which I desperately needed.

So I finally got a trail run outside, it was short but oh so sweet (and I don't just mean the smell from the flowers).  Last week or so I was debating on whether I should or not - deciding I probably shouldn't after getting ready to go, when all of the sudden I realized I couldn't find my ID. I looked all over the house to find them and began to wonder if I left them in my car...well that was it, I prayed that if I was meant to run on the trail then let them be in the middle of my car.

It was :]

So without even going back inside I drove to the trail for a short run and it was amazing.  I miss it so much!  The best part was the fact that I knew God missed me too.

The other LORD love note would be a dream I had last night.  I can't remember much but I remember that it had a gentlemen who I ended up courting.  I actually felt totally comfortable with him, to be my cuddly goofy cheesy self...someone I don't mind the idea of kissing (which is rare for me honestly) or holding their hand, resting my head on his shoulder.  And my mom liked him too, which is a big thing for me!

Anyways, it's always nice to know that He still thinks of me, and that He still remembers my heart.