Blessings

The blessings of others should be a blessing to us.

Have you every had a hard time with that before? Sometimes, while I really truly am excited for the individual, I start to feel a little neglected myself.  You wonder where God is in your life?

My sister just got a second great paying amazing job, only this time it really will be an amazing job! She has been through so much recently that I am really excited for her, and she's a great worker so she deserves it. With all that her and her husband have been through recently it has been a long time coming. 

And while I'm glad things are looking up for her, part of me wonders where God is for me. 

Once years back, one of the few times I attended youth church (although ironically I was no longer youth-they were trying to get me to become a youth leader which didn't happen) the youth pastor's dad was preaching and had a word for someone. I knew it wouldn't be me cause it never is...which is was.

He said that it was like I had a "to do" list for God and he wanted me to know he knew about it and was working on it. That was so true, and still is. 

While driving to work today I was thinking on this, all my desires: to have a soul mate, a better job, get out of debt, tone up, move out,...praying to God again for these things. Especially the soul mate, since I NEVER wanted to be single at the age of 28 and here I am and only have a little over 3 months left before I become 29. Why God is making me wait for so long only He knows, and I have learned to be happy being single, I can't say I still don't want my other half.  

I want a job where people like me there, where my boss likes me there, and where I actually earn enough to live off of instead of just barely scraping by.  Where there is a chance of promotion and I won't be stagnant. 

I'm tired of debt, which is self explanatory...I never imagined I would have so much debt at this age, but tis the american way I guess. My sister always says I shouldn't stress cause I can't take it with me and while that's true, to me it doesn't mean I need to keep letting it build up and not do anything about it.

Build muscle and lose fat. To a point this will always be a goal for me. Health and fitness is something I'm into and while I do like my body and myself currently, I would like to tone up. I want to be able to do a pull-up finally!  I want to climb a rope and be strong enough to do all the obstacles in obstacle course races!

I want my own place, my own area, strangely enough the main thing I think I want is alone time. Living in a house with 6 other adults and 8 dogs, you are never really alone.  Whereas before I worked with people and then had my "me" time at the gym before I came home to my mother, now I work with people and then see family before working out with family, coming home again to family and restarting the whole thing the next day. I love family don't get me wrong, but I never get any time to myself, a time to just enjoy the quietness with my Lord, gather my thoughts. 

Anyways, praying to Him this morning...contemplating all this and laying it all finally down at His feet for the upteenth time, wondering if I'd hear anything from Him or just feel like I was talking out to dead air...I heard this: 

20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us

in context it is: 

11 According to the eternal purpose which he purposed in Christ Jesus our Lord:

12 In whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of him.

13 Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulations for you, which is your glory.

14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,

16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;

17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,

18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

21 Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

Ephesians 3:11-21 KJV

How awesome is that? Gotta love when He answers so quickly. I had totally forgot I was listening to my bible CD on the way to work (which I do every morning generally).  I really needed this today, I needed this this year.  I am not sure what His plans are for me, or when any of them will take place, but I do know that He will come through. 

"The fear of the wicked, it shall come upon him: but the desire of the righteous shall be granted ." Proverbs 10:24 KJV.  

I will not let fear work through me. I will not give in to depression or any negativity.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him." Psalm 28:7 KJV

Closings

There is a song by Semisonic that says "Closing time...every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

I can only believe that God 'popped' it into my brain because it really spoke to me today, while I walked outside in the gorgeous weather...to my car so I can drive to the gym and workout instead of running outside on the trail. Why?  My stalker of course, while nothing more has happened, since this would be the second scare (I've had one previously a few years back), I told everyone I wouldn't run on the trail alone for awhile.

It's just now, with the time change keeping it sunny much later and the amazing temperatures and gentle breeze that this truly becomes difficult.


I've really been working at not letting it steal my joy, not letting the creepo that sent me those stupid texts, or the old man who authored the crazy letter I now have to keep forever, to take that from me also.  It's kind of ironic, I started as a social runner and really had to work at adjusting to running alone, to accepting that no one wanted to run with me.  But now I've grown so accustomed to running with the Lord and having that quiet-time, quality alone-time with Him in nature that the idea of only being able to run with others is  hard for me to accept. Yes, supposedly after a while I should be able to run alone again on the trail, but will it ever be the same, or will I always be worrying someone, perhaps occasionally myself, every-time I do?

All I can think of is that maybe God is using this to close that door, and open another.  I've always wanted the person that God has for me to be someone I can do stuff with and not feel like I annoy them, be active with, hold hands and just hangout with. Someone who would enjoy being around me always, loving me, and take part in my healthy lifestyle.  So maybe this is in preparation for that person. Maybe the Lord took everyone away from me for a time to help my relationship with Him to cultivate, strengthen.  And now that I have an unshakable bond with Him, now that I know and am completely confident that He really is all I need no matter what, He is beginning to prepare for uniting me with my soul mate.

Honestly this thought made me jealous of my private-time with God, will I never get that once I am married?  What will become of my runs with the Lord?  And then it came to me, why can't I share my God-time with my future-spouse? If we really are uniting and becoming one flesh, then shouldn't we bond with our heavenly Father together? His relationship with God is a major part of what I look for in a person, shouldn't we share and grow that relationship together?  This doesn't mean I wont get my own moments with just God as His daughter, but maybe my solitary long runs with Him are meant to one day be shared with a third person...what's the harm in that?  There's enough God in this universe to share.

This is just another step in preparation for bringing into my life whomever the Lord has for me.

YOUR power running through me

*Originally written on December 31st, 2010*

Yesterday I traded my run outside for some gym time, wondered as silly as it is, if reworking my schedule was a good idea but brushed it aside after blessing a few people, and being blessed, with some laughter and such on the way out of the gym. God always has you where you are for a reason.

Today I was rewarded with beautiful weather, partly cloudy turned to bright blue cloudless sky. Perfect for my run with the Lord to end the old year and begin a new one...I started out with some music, but soon ditched it for sounds of nature and to get closer to God.

I began having issues keeping myself concentrated on Him of course, since this is  supposed to be my quiet time with the Lord. As I continued though-I told myself I ran with HIS strength, the glory of the sun empowering me, inspiring me.  So finally I went for it!  Went for not an 8 mile run, not my planned 10 mile run, but a 14 mile run, ending the year with a nice long quiet run with God.  As we went, I just had to keep praying for His strength, His power.  Him to be my joints, Him to be my muscles, my lungs, my heart...The desires of the righteous WILL be granted and He put this desire within me.  As the run continued I became more and more focused on Him for He was the only reason I was still going!

When I finally was reaching the end, He actually gave me enough energy to sprint to the end!  I was amazed!  And I KNEW it had to be Him because when I finally reached the end of my 14.7 miles...my strength and energy just-left! All of the sudden I FELT like I had ran over 14 miles lol.  It is just so awesome to know that He cares about our runs, our quiet moments we spend together!

Its a small way the Lord shows His love, but powerful!  It reminds me of how He always has my automatic locks work in my car.  They stopped for a long time, but one day I asked Him to have them work (more to myself than really Him) and He had them work! Now everytime they do I KNOW its Him, His little 'I love you' and 'your in my thoughts' messages for the day.  I cannot wait for this next year and all the many ways my love relationship with the Lord will grow!