Naked Ugliness

 This was a texting conversation I had with a guy friend two nights ago.  I wish sometimes I really could replace my mirrors and see myself the way others do, see what they see. While I'm growing more content with myself, gorgeous is not something I see.

Is this because of how I see myself physically alone or do my issues with myself inside reveal themselves on how I see myself from the outside also?  I know I'm a perfectionist but how far does that desire for the unobtainable and drive for self improvement affect me and my self perception.

"Sweater Weather"

All I am is a man

I want the world in my hands

I hate the beach

But I stand

In California with my toes in the sand

Use the sleeves of my sweater

Let's have an adventure

Head in the clouds but my gravity's centered

Touch my neck and I'll touch yours

You in those little high-waisted shorts, oh

She knows what I think about

And what I think about

One love, two mouths

One love, one house

No shirt, no blouse

Just us, you find out

Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about, no

'Cause it's too cold

For you here and now

So let me hold

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

And if I may just take your breath away

I don't mind if there's not much to say

Sometimes the silence guides our minds

So move to a place so far away

The goose bumps start to raise

The minute that my left hand meets your waist

And then I watch your face

Put my finger on your tongue

'Cause you love to taste, yeah

These hearts adore

Everyone the other beats hardest for

Inside this place is warm

Outside it starts to pour

Coming down

One love, two mouths

One love, one house

No shirt, no blouse

Just us, you find out

Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about, no, no, no

[2x]

'Cause it's too cold

For you here and now

So let me hold

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

Whoa, whoa...

Whoa, whoa... whoa

Whoa, whoa... [2x]

'Cause it's too cold

For you here and now

So let me hold

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

It's too cold

For you here and now

Let me hold

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

It's too cold,

It's too cold

The holes of my sweater...

So for some reason I keep getting this song stuck in my head, which I like the song so I don't mind, but the verse that keeps repeating in my mind got me thinking today:

Coming down
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about, no, no, no

How much I cannot wait to open up to someone, for someone to see my ugly side and accept it willingly. It's hard for me to believe that someone ever will truly accept me for all of me. It's easy to say but when it comes down to it, will my ugly side be acceptable? Or maybe it's my inability to accept my ugly side myself which makes me think this...and maybe the day I finally find that person who does, it will help me be able to accept my ugliness for myself.

This verse also does bring my desire to stand with someone, bearing all physically and feel their warmth against mine...hey I am a person!  It's not something I was going to put but to be totally open I will.  The idea of one day having the warmth of someone else's skin against mine, chest to chest, excites me.  Being someone who is always cold, getting warm and being embraced by something other then a hoodie or blanket sounds awesome.

The Power of His Perfection

On my way to work one morning, while gazing upon the Lord's painted morning sky for me, I heard a verse of a song I've heard many times before but in a different light. One I don't know that I agree with...

"perfection is my enemy"

Now I don't know what song it was, just some chick's on the Fish radio station really (probably better I don't know) but it made me begin to think, why does humanity have to have such a love/hate relationship to the idea and concept of  'perfection'?

"[ Noah Pleases God ] This is the genealogy of Noah. Noah was a just man, perfect in his generations. Noah walked with God." Genesis 6:9 NKJV

"As for God, His way is perfect;The word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. For who is God, except the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God? God is my strength and power,^[e] And He makes my^[f] way perfect." 2 Samuel 22:31-33 NKJV

" I will behave wisely in a perfect way. Oh, when will You come to me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart." Psalm 101:2 NKJV

"Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." Matthew 5:48 NKJV

 

"Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God." 2 Corinthians 7:1 NKJV

"Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. " Colossians 1:28 NKJV

"Therefore, leaving the discussion of the elementary principles of Christ, let us go on to perfection, not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, ² of the doctrine of baptisms, of laying on of hands, of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. ³ And this we will^[a] do if God permits." Hebrew 6:1-3 NKJV

" But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:4 NKJV

" But may^[a] the God of all grace, who called us^[b] to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10 NKJV

If we are to have the mind of Christ, be the light of Christ, and Christ-like then how can we say that perfection is our enemy when He is perfection.

"though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered. ⁹ And having been perfected, He became the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him" Hebrews 5:8-9 NKJV

Why can't we have an unobtainable goal and not such negativism towards it. What's wrong with reaching for the stars?

Being someone who has issues with perfectionism, I think what we need is balance.  We tend to either obsess over or avoid perfection altogether.  

Strive always try to be perfect with the realization that you are never going to be able to reach it.  Focus on Christ's perfection and His perfect work for us as our example. That is the key.

As long as we keep our focus on Him and His perfection, and realize that He lives within us, within our hearts, perfection isn't such a scary thought.  It is only when we take our focus off of Him who is perfect and start to look toward our own ability to be perfect (or failed attempts to be honestly) that we begin to breed such disapproval for the concept.  Because it is through our attempts to be perfect we realize our failures and shortcomings. We no longer can lie to ourselves or others.  

Christ's perfection is not our enemy, its what keeps us going in this life...all we do and are is based around this. We are called to love perfectly, without fear. Live perfectly, without sin (through the cleansing blood of Christ and God's amazing grace).  This is not a bad calling, and it isn't an impossible calling, for God has not given us anything we cannot accomplish...through Him!

I'm amazed and proud to say I've finally gotten to a place in my life where I've made peace with perfection. It does not control me or my life, yet I strive toward the goal, keeping my Focus upon Him who is my perfect example.

Proverbs Lady

*Originally written on January 7th, 2011*

A friend recently posted her goals for the new year on her blog, and while I have some, I never thought about typing them out anywhere, but since I have some free time at work I decided why the heck not.  Writing (or typing currently) is supposed to help anyhoo.

• Work on being a 'Proverbs Woman' and all that it entitles. Study this chapter more intensely and let the Lord guide me.
• Take my workout routine and make it livable, I want to live for the Lord and take care of myself for Him, not before Him.  Keep my life centered around Him, His love and plans for me...to live and have my being centered around 'being about HIS business' and I think that health and fitness are a huge component of that, and He wouldn't have given me such a passion for it if it wasn't. We are His temple, His dwelling place-we shine His light & bear His image!  He hand crafted each and every one of us and how we take care of His temple, how we show it respect (or a lack there of) shows our love and respect toward Him and His gift and sacrifice.  He has become the primary reason for and a major component of my workout routine, and I want to keep that up also, I always feel such an amazing bond with Him during my workout times, it's a time I use to reflect upon Him and absorb as much of  Him in as possible! I don't want ANYTHING to hinder that, I don't want ANYTHING before Him so I want to just recheck myself this year and make sure everything remains in the proper order!
• Also, I want to help my Mother get back into fitness. We eat crazy healthy enough, but after some injuries she's had a hard time getting back into the routine, so I am giving myself a goal to help!  She's done and does so much for me it's the least I can do! I love her so much and want her to be around a long time! She already wants to herself so I just want to help!
• I've recently gotten into sewing and I would like to continue to grow my skills at it, I hope God continues to provide people to make quilts for so my talent can blossom!  I have gotten bitten by the quilt-giving bug lol, its all my Mom's fault, thank you so much Mom!
• Start a granny square afghan, complete my 'joy' collage, & would like to get back into drawing & painting (including pottery)...and maybe if I'm lucky, scrapbook sometime this year :p
• Make a mosaic & a batik, learn to knit.
• Continue with my goal to get out of debt and complete it within the 3 years I originally planned!
• Increase my distance run by 2 miles. A friend has bugged me about not making any major fitness goals so besides the one previously mentioned...this will be it.
• Work on my handwriting, I love writing letters, but I feel for the poor soul that is reading them!  My handwriting gets pretty bad at the end, especially when I am writing about some strange thought or idea the Lord gave me, or a bible verse He showed Me I excitedly wanted to share, and my thoughts are going faster than I can comprehend, and that's way faster than I can write!  While they've never said anything, I still would like to have a handwriting that wasn't described as what a serial killers would look like.
• Don't take life too seriously, or myself!  Work on keeping joy of the Lord in every and all situations, keeping an optimistic attitude always, continuously loving and laughing, and learning to continue to see myself though His eyes!

God has really been dealing with me regarding the 'law' I set for myself and my perfectionism...how I need to let go and let God.  Embrace His sacrifice and unmerited favor, His amazing grace that saved a retch like me. Joseph Prince, in his book Unmerited Favor, has been discussing Christ's success, and that even before the 10 commandments were created, Joseph obeyed them (think on the Potiphar's wife situation).  He had the guidance, grace, and righteousness of Christ, before Moses ever created the law, Before Christ came upon the earth.  This confuses me a bit and is something I want to think on and study more intensively so I find it ironic that without trying I managed to create 10 goals...this speaks of something but what I'm not sure lol.



According to Christian Resources Today

Ten : 10 - Biblical Meaning of Number: deals with completeness that happens in a divine order or completed during a course of time. There's nothing that is left wanting within the complete cycle the number "ten" has just completed.
(In today's society this number is looked at mostly when referring to some kind of ranking or describing something that's close to perfection)