"Apperception" begins to play, & so the story begins to unfold within my mind's eye...
(sorry I couldn't find the song I heard online but here's the infomation for it, my version is 6:01 long)
Song: Apperception
Various Artists
Album: Trance Stimuli
We start our life like a run, were going slower than we'd like...not too super enthused really, just trying to get through that day, hour, moment of time that is our life. Were moving in our own power, trying to keep ourselves motivated in going forward despite a good reason for it...and then God comes.
He reveals Himself, the answer...we stop focusing on the motion, the surroundings, the heat, we stop focusing on ourselves and look to Him. We feed off Him, becoming more energized as we go, more curious of who He is, of His love. The run, our lives, becoming focused on finding out more about Him, growing closer to Him. With every step we take He pushes us forward, leaving His footprint behind us.
But as time goes, somewhere along the lines we lose focus, we start to see less of Him too much of ourselves, our own false perceived power and feeling of control, too much focus gets put on our speed, our own holiness, we begin to breed self righteousness and we lose sight of Him. As we run along, not even realizing His light growing lighter, fading with time. Not even feeling the drag in every step as we go along...until it hits us, we're alone.
We're lost.
We backtrack, trying to discover when we lost Him, but He cannot be found in the places of our past. We press forward, with caution...it getting darker as we go. Suddenly we see a small side trail, rough and unpaved, we must have passed it the first time. Slowly turning from the main trail, turning from the comfort of the path of the world into a trail unknown.
As we run, sunlight unseen, blindly pressing forward into unknown. Having to trust that He is with you, guiding you despite the fact you can't feel Him. You trip over branches and roots dispersed randomly throughout your path. Falling, cutting your face, you're knees...you begin to cry out to God, within yourself, within your soul. With all emotions and feelings within you, hurting and alone.
Rain begins to fall, lightly at first, slowly. But it picks up, and through the heavy downpour, you begin to feel something, you feel Him. And with each drop He washes away your blood, your dirt. He cleanses your scars and your spirit. The sun breaks through the rain and you feel His energy again, as you press forward with your run. This time letting Him guide you.
"There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."
Proverbs 14:12 KJV
As I ran today without my glasses or contacts, the fuzziness made each step I took feel a bit harder to take, probably because I couldn't clearly see my future ending destination. All object in sight are closer than they appeared. It reminded me of that verse in the love chapter:
"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." I Corinthians 13:12 KJV
And it's so true, especially for the times we live in now. This life makes me feel like Alice and the Looking Glass sometimes.
Always at war the the Red Queen & White Queens-one of my own mind, and one of the world trying to sway me by 'relentlessly confound me by using word play to thwart my attempts at logical discussion.' As I grab hold of the red queen and shake her with all my might, the Red King of all Kings and LORD of all Lords finds me and we go in checkmate [His death on the cross, His blood cleansing me from all unrighteousness] and one day I will be released from this temporary sleep and wake up to spend eternity with Him!
(and while I've never fully read the books, now I want too!)
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