Saturday, February 28, 2015

ReeBee rant

So it's been awhile, didn't do great at posting while I was running for my marathon but here ya go, I ran a test run at 3:57:51 and ran the actual marathon in 3:47:14 or something close. My friends want me to try to run another this year and beat my time to make Boston time, which is 3:35:00 but we shall see.

I'm working on trying to build muscle currently, do an unassisted pull up...gaining some weight but it's muscle and trying to remember that.

I'm posting today to vent...I think I probably have on this before so bear with me but I'm really sick of people blowing off my struggles just because I was younger when I battled them.

Okay so yes, I was overweight in my younger years, it was 8th grade when I hit my heaviest weight at over 190lbs, a size 18 was tight. I remember crying in the dressing room when none of the pants in the girls clothing fit me.  I battled with depression and my weight all through high school, although I did take body sculpting and lost 10 sent me into an eating disorder after I graduated (when *shock* a boy was actually interested in me) and I've now battled that mindset ever since.

While it's not the prettiest story and its also not the messiest it's mine. Don't blow it off as nothing, just because I was younger then you when I battled it doesn't negate the pain or it's influence on my life.  It hurt. I still understand what it feels like to be fat, ugly, unpopular,  depressed, weak...I know what's its like to be overweight and underweight, to want to scare people away and hide and shrink away from them.

Despite the battle I still go though today due to my past, my depression, my eating disorder, & my weight I wouldn't trade it for the world cause it's shaped me into the women I am today.  While I am jealous of people who don't have to struggle with their weight and self image, if I didn't fight for it I wouldn't know how strong I really am.

Through God and by His strength I can do ALL THINGS as long is it aligns with His will!  Taking care of my temple through diet and exercise, and obstacle races help push me to discover how strong I really am and what all I am capable of.

Now that I've crushed my soap box, I'm done. Thank you.

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