Blessings

The blessings of others should be a blessing to us.

Have you every had a hard time with that before? Sometimes, while I really truly am excited for the individual, I start to feel a little neglected myself.  You wonder where God is in your life?

My sister just got a second great paying amazing job, only this time it really will be an amazing job! She has been through so much recently that I am really excited for her, and she's a great worker so she deserves it. With all that her and her husband have been through recently it has been a long time coming. 

And while I'm glad things are looking up for her, part of me wonders where God is for me. 

Once years back, one of the few times I attended youth church (although ironically I was no longer youth-they were trying to get me to become a youth leader which didn't happen) the youth pastor's dad was preaching and had a word for someone. I knew it wouldn't be me cause it never is...which is was.

He said that it was like I had a "to do" list for God and he wanted me to know he knew about it and was working on it. That was so true, and still is. 

While driving to work today I was thinking on this, all my desires: to have a soul mate, a better job, get out of debt, tone up, move out,...praying to God again for these things. Especially the soul mate, since I NEVER wanted to be single at the age of 28 and here I am and only have a little over 3 months left before I become 29. Why God is making me wait for so long only He knows, and I have learned to be happy being single, I can't say I still don't want my other half.  

I want a job where people like me there, where my boss likes me there, and where I actually earn enough to live off of instead of just barely scraping by.  Where there is a chance of promotion and I won't be stagnant. 

I'm tired of debt, which is self explanatory...I never imagined I would have so much debt at this age, but tis the american way I guess. My sister always says I shouldn't stress cause I can't take it with me and while that's true, to me it doesn't mean I need to keep letting it build up and not do anything about it.

Build muscle and lose fat. To a point this will always be a goal for me. Health and fitness is something I'm into and while I do like my body and myself currently, I would like to tone up. I want to be able to do a pull-up finally!  I want to climb a rope and be strong enough to do all the obstacles in obstacle course races!

I want my own place, my own area, strangely enough the main thing I think I want is alone time. Living in a house with 6 other adults and 8 dogs, you are never really alone.  Whereas before I worked with people and then had my "me" time at the gym before I came home to my mother, now I work with people and then see family before working out with family, coming home again to family and restarting the whole thing the next day. I love family don't get me wrong, but I never get any time to myself, a time to just enjoy the quietness with my Lord, gather my thoughts. 

Anyways, praying to Him this morning...contemplating all this and laying it all finally down at His feet for the upteenth time, wondering if I'd hear anything from Him or just feel like I was talking out to dead air...I heard this: 

20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us

in context it is: 

11 According to the eternal purpose which he purposed in Christ Jesus our Lord:

12 In whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of him.

13 Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulations for you, which is your glory.

14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,

16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;

17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,

18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

21 Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

Ephesians 3:11-21 KJV

How awesome is that? Gotta love when He answers so quickly. I had totally forgot I was listening to my bible CD on the way to work (which I do every morning generally).  I really needed this today, I needed this this year.  I am not sure what His plans are for me, or when any of them will take place, but I do know that He will come through. 

"The fear of the wicked, it shall come upon him: but the desire of the righteous shall be granted ." Proverbs 10:24 KJV.  

I will not let fear work through me. I will not give in to depression or any negativity.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him." Psalm 28:7 KJV

Hebrews 12

This has been a very interesting week, well interesting time in my life recently really.  My birthday, mom's birthday, applied for a new job (finger's crossed with many prayers!), current work has been crazy busy, some outings scheduled with friends & family, and one blind-date (didn't work out though). Mix that with the emotional stress I put myself under on a normal basis anyhoo, two of my closest friends battling severe depression, major financial battles that not only I am enduring, but having to watch many of my family members go through the same...it has also been very overwhelming!

So when one of my friends had to cancel today, I decided to take the wonderful weather welcoming September in as a chance to have a run with God.

When I run with one of my running partners we go 4-6 miles, when I run with the other I run 6-8 miles, when I run with just myself I run 10.5 miles, and when I run for the world I run 13.5-14 miles (a very rare run indeed)...no matter the distance I always run with the Lord!

This was a 10.5 mile kind of day. A just run everything off kind of day. I ran with just God, no music, no conversation...just God and me.  Emptying myself onto Him, my thoughts and fears, reaffirmed my trust and faith in His decisions and spoke that no matter what happened, I knew it was His will and I would follow.  I didn't know what the future holds, who my soul mate is, where I'll live or work, how my bills will work out, but I know that they will...through Him and His hand on my life, it will all be okay.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ² looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." 

Hebrews 12: 1-2 NKJV

Ending this blog post on a positive note, my friend's father and the outreach pastor stood in the place for my father and spoke a blessing over me a few weeks ago. One that I cherish, and now get to see every time I wake up!  Knowing that my heavenly Father's blessings are on me, over me, and awaiting me, I cannot wait to see what His Almighty plans will be!

One thing the future does hold for me....Autumn & the state fair!!! Yay!

Birthday Love Blessings

I have to say I am so blessed.  Today is my birthday, and these past few days have been amazing!  I never really feel like I matter all that much, that I've influenced that many people, or that that many people really care. You never really feel like you make an impact sometimes, but the love people have shown me this year amazes me.  It's meant more to me than any of them know.

It started Friday leaving work, when I was leaving & found everyone trying to make sure I got my birthday card and left with birthday hugs from all my coworkers!  I felt so amazed and loved, I mean, how many people can say they received birthday hugs from everyone they work with :) It was a wonderful way to start my birthday weekend!

Then Friday evening I got to hangout with an old friend and catch up. Saturday I had a goof off day at the mall, and some wonderful cooking from my brother-in-law & sister Tina. Nicole called to have us over for dinner which made me feel oober special, although we had to take a rain check. Sunday was blessed with help from a friend, a good conversation, and my sister Elena giving me a pre-birthday cookie.  Marie came over with my niece Charlotte Monday. Tuesday (my actual birthday) I got to visit with my Aunt Paulette, go eat at a fancy french restaurant Petit Lapin, and then went to see Captain America in 3D! Then my grandma Donna came to see me and eat my mom's homemade spinach and mushroom lasagna, and Elena made me some actual birthday peanut butter cookies!  Top that with all the many birthday wishes on facebook, and ending with Marie's blog-I have never felt more loved.

The family's main celebration is this weekend (with Elena's making some fancy foodage-yayness and some surprise) but even now I feel so blessed to have the family I do have! They have taken so much time and made me feel so special and loved...there are no words to adequately express how I feel honestly.

A friend took the time to make me something I'm excitedly waiting to get, but even without any gifts, I have to say I have never felt so loved before and that means so much, it was the best birthday I think I've ever had and I  will never forget it.  In the back of my mind I still remember that it's also the 1-year anniversary of my furry son, my phatcat kitty man Casper's gruesome death, but everyone has made it so much easier for me to handle.  To have so much love shown to me, I honestly am not sure I really deserve it.

What have I done to deserve all these wonderful people I have been blessed to have in my life, all these people to reserve a place in their heart, day, & lives for me....I don't know but is awesome.

God has blessed me so much, with so many people and their love, I couldn't ask for more :)

So thank you all...for loving me, just the way I am

 *In honor of my Phatman of Love*

To understand thyself...

*Originally wrote on May 15th, 2010*

You would think being a 24 [soon-to-be quarter of a century old person hot diggity dogness] I would understand my workings more.  I honestly question what I really do know, truely know about me...I used to know what I did NOT like to eat, but found out as I got older that I pretty much like everything, and I absolutely love all the things I hate...veggies and right now onions and mushrooms (yummness).  So if this is just with food how sad that I don't honestly know much on myself.  I don't know what my subconscious really is thinking, pondering upon.  I seem to recently be having a weight issue, although mine is considered a blessing to some, if it is its the worst kind.  I can't seem to keep my weight up, and I am getting to the point where I wonder what its really going on in my head, what do I really feel like that must be holding me back from getting back to my healthy weight?  I've handed the whole thing over to God...at least I speak that everyday but I must be keeping some part or I would be past this...its made me question everything I do think I know about anything really.  I mean, is there anything that I am certain I know about myself?
My faith!  I KNOW I'm a child of the most high God, I KNOW Jesus Christ died for me, is in my heart, and I KNOW AND LOVE our relationship and all the little ways he speaks to me...the way he reveals himself and his immense love for me, a love that sadly would be the aspect I don't understand really. Why I'll never know, but I don't have to I guess, I'm having a hard enough time figuring myself out much less somebody that states that "my thoughts are above your thoughts, and my ways above your ways, for as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my thoughts than your thoughts, and my ways, your ways" Isiah 55:8-9 (all from memory so I may be off a tink)
I know I love nature, I love plants and fresh air, I care about the environment, hugging trees, and am the kind of person that gets excited about watching things grow!  I never feel as connected to the Lord as I do outside, its like his art gallery, each tree has its own character and is unique touch it adds to everything around it...each leaf, every flower and flower petal, body of water and the whole world that opens up I won't even start on.  I feel at peace outside, connected to him. I love to run, especially outside, around nature!  There is just something about running along with trees, grass, and the warmth of life all around.  How somebody couldn't feel close to Christ I'll never understand.
I love art, painting with my friend is my latest thing, but I've always enjoyed art,  museums, theatre, music, dance, and everything else included.  I've drawn mostly myself, although I also enjoy sowing quits, crocheting, cooking (which I consider an art), scrapbooking, and I'm up for trying just about anything artsyish!  Seeing people through art, seeing their souls in small pieces, its one of the beautiful things in this world.
I love my family. I feel so blessed that God gave me the family I have, even with all their quirks and problems.  Amongst my parents fights, my father's brain tumor &  temper, the over-emotionalness of pretty much everyone, and all the other things my family is so totally awesome.  My father made sure we loved each other, regardless if we wanted to and I'm so thankful.  My sisters love me so much, and while we fight and they annoy the heck out of me sometimes, they truely care and I adore being with them always.  I love my mother, the walking definition of mother. She bakes, cooks, cleans, gardens, paints, sows, quilts, croches...the women grows her own yeast to make her own homemade bread for goodness sake.  But mostly she loves the Lord with all her heart, mind, soul, & strength and although she's not perfect by any means, I look up dearly to her.   My father was almost the same, aside from the temper & tumor he was still an awesome dad.  He had a wondeful sense of humor, could grow anything, fix most anything, and honestly knew most everything, but mostly he was a family man. He was good with computers, medical stuff, math, english, history, and was the best at being a dad.  This took me a while to realize, but he tried with all his being to be the perfect father and have the family he never got to have, and thanks to him he are the close family we are.  I will never trade the time I got to take care of him near the end of the life...never in a million lifetimes. I am also thankful for non-blood family, my best friend I would never trade, and she is probably the only non related person who has never stopped believing or loving me...her parents took the role as my parents also (my second set lol) and her family became my family also. We can read each other and I feel that we really are related, although not according to legal standards.
All this doesn't help that I still am no closer to discovering my inner mental issues I have, but what did I really expect just typing on a blog would really reveal?  That I like to ramble a bit too much?  I have discovered at least a few things I am certain of, my 'firm foundation' that we all need. ..As long as I keep handing it over to the Lord, I know he'll get me though this, and I'll discover new things about myself along the way!
If you survived my first blog EVER...congrats!  Be kind in judgments is all I ask...