What was it like Daddy?

*Originally written on November 19th, 2010*

This morning on my way to work a gentleman requested the radio station to play Mercy Me "I can only imagine" and mentioned that it was played at his nephew's funeral. As the song began to play, my mind began to reflect back upon my own father and what his meeting with the Lord that first time was like. I've not really gotten too emotional about my father's passing much, I guess growing up my whole life aware that he could pass on at any moment, taking care of him for a year while watching his tumor begin to take over more and more prepares  someone for something like that.  But I can recall how much he struggled down here and eagerly anticipated the moment God would call him home again.  I can honestly say this did actually make me get a tink emotional, something I've only done regarding his passing one other time after his death & funeral in 2004 (of course I was emotional then).

I never considered this song for a funeral, but it makes sense.  Funeral's can become so dreary and sad...so melancholy, but for someone saved, its just a welcome home celebration, till I see you again, and a way for everyone still left visiting this earth to let that person know the impact they had upon their lives and how much they will me missed.  For we all await the day that we will meet Christ face to face, our Savior and Redeemer, our Husband.

^"14 “I will deliver this people from the power of the grave;
I will redeem them from death.
Where, O death, are your plagues?
Where, O grave, is your destruction?
“I will have no compassion," Hosea 13:14 NIV

⁵ “Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?” 1 Corinthians 15:55 NIV

^"17 For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.)" Romans 5:17 NKJV

^"18 I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and of Death." Revelation 1:18 NKJV

^"10 Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life." Revelation 2:10 NKJV

I can only Imagine

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, yeah, yeah, yeah

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah

I can only imagine, yeah, yeah
I can only imagine, Yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, Ohh yeah
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when all I will do
is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine

God's cleansing stream is our river of life.

*Originally written on August 27th, 2010*

The few months before my father passed, while he was on hospice, they had a psychologist come over and talk to him and help him deal with some of his feelings to prepare him to take the final & grandest step of all, the step to be with our Lord & Savior.  I am starting to feel like this is what the Lord is doing to me right now, although not to take my final step, but a step to a closer walk with him.

Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt & into the desert for there 40-year trial until they were ready for the promise land.  But before they even entered the desert, He lead them through the red sea by parting it, & then had them turn aside to Him for instructions before they even began the desert adventure.  Right now, I think I am crossing the Red sea, but instead of parting the waters on either side of me, He's letting them flow all around me, drenching me though my entire core.  Knocking down the walls I didn't even realize I had built up all to keep the waters out.

I've really had to relook at not only how I view myself & my goals, but all of it in perspective of my relationship with my heavenly Father.  Does what I'm doing really matter?  Does it edify Christ?  Is it helping blossom my walk with the Lord God Almighty?

I was listening to Joice Myers with my mother one morning and she said something that really spoke to me...she was talking about thoughts and whining and the such, using herself as an example, & said that one time while whining to God (I'm paraphrasing) He said to her 'you have asked a lot of me, now do you want it or not?'  How many times do we ask God for things, but when He tries to shape and prepare us for the blessing, we decide its not worth it?

By letting God chastise us, were growing closer to him. By accepting His blessings we are building our relationship with Him, & our love grows all the more.  But whenever we reject a blessing because we don't want the struggle, we are in a way rejecting God...were saying that we really don't want a closer relationship with you thanks anyway, your just not worth the struggle.  We cannot even fathom everything God the Father & Christ went through to save us through the cross, all because we were worth it to him, but after all that, we have the nerve to tell Him he's not?

I'm not just going to let God break down my walls, I want to help!  I want anything I can do to get closer to Him. I found I put so much importance on trivial things-running, health, food, physical relationships & intimacy, money & finances, job, an education-but really the only thing that truly matters, the only thing really worth fighting for is God.  I will step out of the boat for Him, I will tear down the walls of false protection and let his clensing stream wash over me...so I can have rivers of life flow through me and lead me on to life everlasting with Him

I walk blindly forward in the palm of your hand...

*Originally wrote on May 21st, 2010*

God has definitely guided me the last few days, I feel him around me, and although I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going, I have FINALLY learned to trust Him and just let it go!
Don't you just love when God really reveals himself to you?  He has really taken control and as my father, and shown me things about myself I don't like and made me get to a point where I had to give up control and hand it all to him.  And while that doesn't sound like a fun place to be, it is actually!  There is a sort of joy of 'letting go and letting God' that I guess comes from the fact that for most people its so hard to do!  When you reach that point in your life where you can truely hand it to him...gives me such a peace that I really do wonder why I didn't earlier!
the amazing ways that he has been moving in my life has me and all those effected really looking out to see what's next!  I look forward to new revelations and new little signs that are his way of saying 'I love you'!   It also has me looking at other areas of my life that maybe I haven't handed to him like I thought previously