This is my Thank You

There is something about progress, moving forward that brings a joy hard to express. 

This week I managed to accomplish getting my mother back in the gym to workout, a goal of mine for quite some time. After that, my soul sister came over with her little blue-eyed, strawberry blonde, tiny blessing and we hung out, laughing and just being together.  The next day at work she wrote me one of the sweetest emails about how she really cherished our friendship and loved me. It helped me realize how important others are to our lives. What's being healthy if you are alone. While running that evening I pondered on the whole thing, and how much she really did mean to me.

It's always nice to know that someone who has helped you more than they could ever imagine, lets you know you've helped them also...

"Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. " Proverbs 27:17 KJV

This year I bought a new baithing suit and while trying it on ended up having to get an XS top and a M bottom.  At first I wasn't sure how I felt and asked my sister who was overjoyed at me actually having enough of a butt to need one.  Which ended up helping me actually be excited to be a medium!  Something I've not experienced in years...if ever really to be honest. 

Smaller was always better and yet never small enough.

^"5Of such an one will I glory: yet of myself I will not glory, but in mine infirmities.

 ⁶For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me.

 ⁷And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

 ⁸For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

 ⁹And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

 ¹⁰Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. " 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 KJV



Like Paul, we each have a thorn in the flesh, something we struggle with, that humanizes us and keeps our focus on how much we truely need God and cannot do it alone.

God revealed to me how far I've come and while on my run I realized I never would have gotten myself here if it wasn't for these people God blessed me with.  Marie's meer presence comforts me and helps me accept and love myself for who I am.  Christina brings out a 'big sister' type of security, comfort and my goofy-side from childhood.  They help me cherish and love the Temple of God that I am, sharpen my focus, and I can only hope I help sharpen theirs.

And there are so many others who have helped and been there for me, men and women.  My mother, father, sister Elena who has overcome so much and still continues to do so it amazes me.  Chelsi, Maxwell, Jennifer, Brian-all those who just love me...for me. They accept me and my flaws and let Christ shine forth as the noonday sun guiding me. 

Amazing Love, How Can it be?

*Originally written on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011*

 

Psalm 139 (KJV)

 ¹O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

 ²Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.

 ³Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.

 ⁴For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.

 ⁵Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

 ⁶Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.

 ⁷Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

 ⁸If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

 ⁹If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

 ¹⁰Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

 ¹¹If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

 ¹²Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

 ¹³For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.

 ¹⁴I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

 ¹⁵My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

 ¹⁶Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

 ¹⁷How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

 ¹⁸If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

 ¹⁹Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.

 ²⁰For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.

 ²¹Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?

 ²²I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.

 ²³Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

 ²⁴And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

 This has to be my favorite psalm, I will look at the others and love them but everytime I read this one, it just reaches in and speaks to me in a way I don’t understand and cannot explain.  I guess its one of those personal things between God and me.  I think its because I feel that I understand the way David felt when he wrote this. I cannot begin to fathom Him thinking of me, especially that much.  I cannot imagine that He loved me enough to write an entire book of just what He planned on accomplishing through me, who He wanted to bless through me.  He wrote about our relationship, His amazing love for me, and every word hand written by Him was written with Christ’s blood redeeming me, allowing me to be held in God’s arms, wrapped in His amazing unsearchable love!  

Picture this, God sitting with a book of blank pages before Him, as He takes His finger and gently places it upon the page. 

And He starts to write…   

As He writes the first few letters, then a word or two, and it begins…

Excitement starts to shine from His face just thinking of you, just you as you are, just as he made you,  good and bad…

Love flows as Christ’s blood forms words, words of Your future through Christ that your heavenly Father plans for you! Just for you, only for you. He ends the book with a single tear of love falling upon the page, blending with the blood and forming His signature.

As I finished my study this morning, ending with just looking over this Psalm, soaking it in, I folded myself upon my bed and layed all before Him.  And I just loved Him.  I can’t offer Him anything, do anything for Him, all I can do honestly is LOVE Him and allow Him to use me, work through me.  I want to be a dry sponge and absorb as much of God as I can!  I want to drip of His being so others can experience at least a taste of who I have loving me, thinking of me nonstop, watching over me.

“ ⁹Thou whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called thee from the chief men thereof, and said unto thee, Thou art my servant; I have chosen thee, and not cast thee away. ¹⁰Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”     Isaiah 41:9-10

 Just laying before Him, letting Him have me, being silent and thinking of all the aspects of God my physical mind will allow…there is just something about it.  As I slowly, grudgingly, began to rise I saw the Sun shine brilliantly through my window, through my bamboo blinds, stronger than ever before.  His love shone through my room and touched me…warmed me…let me know that although I am not seeking His presence, His presence is still there, loving me no matter what, and always will be…

“For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
         The LORD will give grace and glory;
         No good thing will He withhold
         From those who walk uprightly.”

Psalm 84:10-12 (NKJV)

^~

^“2 Blessed be the name of the LORD
         From this time forth and forevermore!
 ³ From the rising of the sun to its going down
         The LORD’s name is to be praised.
 ⁴ The LORD is high above all nations,
         His glory above the heavens.”

Psalm  113:2-4 (NKJV)

~

“² Praise Him, all His angels;
         Praise Him, all His hosts!
 ³ Praise Him, sun and moon;
         Praise Him, all you stars of light!
 ⁴ Praise Him, you heavens of heavens,
         And you waters above the heavens!”

Psalm 142:2-4 (NKJV)

~

“But the path of the just is like the shining sun,
      That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.”

Proverbs 4:18 (NKJV)

Letting my hair down

*Originally written on January 8th, 2011*

Underneath the crystal ice sky the glorious sun envelops, His magnificent warmth embracing me, as He gently carasses my skin.  I begin to move quicker now, getting energized by His power with each step I take down the road well traveled.  Trees guide me along and I begin to lose myself within the anointing falling upon me; the wind pushes me farther into His presence.  For the first time, I raise my hand and slowly release the pressure that holds me back, reminding me of all that I need to attain, to strive for to ever be considered worthy for anyone...for the first time I run with my hair down.

At first, it stays down, not sure of what happened, it quietly lays upon my back but as I keep striving toward Him, it begins to loosen up and soon enough catches the breeze and sways with the world.  I hit a sunny patch and begin to feel as if my hair smiles behind me as it seems to absorb every ray...it begins to dance, dance to its own unique rhythm, its own beat. Reminded of the divine purpose, its reason for being.  It's my crowning glory, my stand of faith-a sign to my Almighty Heavenly Father of my stand in faith, my trust in Him, His power, His decision, and His guidance.  Each strand of hair has a number that God has given it, its very own number, and not one that falls isn't noticed.  

A confidence grows within my heart, my spirit...I am a daughter of God, made in His image, His likeness, shining His light to the world...this run has re-powered me, reminding me of something the world tries to make me forget, but my love for Him I shall never forget.