Taking back the trail

So  I know I missed a post from my first long run on a road, and then Mondays run before I even get to today's.

Saturday was a 12 mile run and my first long run on a paved trail. I ran straight from my house to the Silver Comet and brought one goo thing to take half way. It went well and I ran faster then I thought I'd be able to, hitting an average of 8:30 minute per mile.  The weather has been great so that mixed with actually taking a supplement really helped my time.

 yes that is a Vulcan salute 

 my time was really better but I did a cool-down which killed the pace per mile on the bottom, I've still not loaded my data off the Garmin so this is all I've got. I want to put it on a new laptop but doubt that I should spend the money on it, so until I decide to this will have to do.

It was so nice to see so many runners and people on the trails Saturday morning!  Women running in pairs as well as some running alone like myself, as well as men and families.  We cannot let fear control us and scare us away from doing what we love.

Together we can take back the trails.

Monday Tina and I ran at the gym, so nothing very exciting except we got to watch Bones, I've never ran to a show before really so it was interesting.

Today I decided to run the advanced run of 8 instead of the 5 I usually do, mainly cause Saturday I won't be able to do my long run since I'm running the Savage race with a friend that is coming up from Florida.  Again the weather was amazing and Oreo even ran the whole thing with me.  I think that doing the same route (he's a bit scared of cars and cyclists) we always ran in the neighborhood was getting to him so I risked it and took him on the trail which really helped power him.

I will admit that I miss my runs with the Lord...I hate that the idea of trying to run again without music and just my thoughts and prayers to God. The idea of being quiet before Him as nature surrounds me sounds great but impossible for me. I guess at least I still have the desire to be with Him intimately. I just have to find a way we can.

I think training for my marathon, knowing I have certain distances and speeds I need to reach is making it harder, but after I've achieved this I want to return to these calmer runs. The runs I did just for fun, just to being with my heavenly Father.

On a side note we had to reschedule our Prophecy group to Thursday this week in place of Tuesday so cannot wait for that!

Lastly, the group workout I had mentioned in a few posts didn't workout. Which does show me that I think God has me going in a different direction, but at least allowed me to meet two wonderful people along the way. Now I have the rest of this year to save and think about becoming a substitute Ride instructor for Gold's, if they still need one by then.

My Georgia red clay running self...

You always forget the joy of something when you're doing it all the time until you can't anymore, and then the memories always comeback the rare occasions you get to indulge again.

This came this morning when I got to do a morning run together with God. I used to love them, but the joy became commonplace until my schedule and weather made it so I couldn't anymore. So this morning, I remembered the joy of my old morning runs.

I started thinking about all those who got me to where I am physically.  Those that got me into working out, health, and running distance on trails.  Of course I would be the start when I decided to join a gym in the first place.  Jeremy would be the second.

I would have to thank him for enjoying the act of torturing me.  I remember getting so mad at him for almost everything.  Making me run for just 10 minutes on a treadmill...he would have to reach over and turn up my machine because I would refuse, and he would smile and laugh.  Or when he would make me do weights and then make fun of me the entire time, making statements about how I made ugly faces while I worked out. 

But he would push me, and had more faith in what I could do than I did, which might be why now I have such a problem always wanting to challenge myself with more.  He showed me I could do anything. 

He also was the start of my healthy diet-at a time when I ate horribly and he ate crazy healthy. In fact he had a plug in his old Lexus 'Lexy' so he could blend shakes right after working out.  I remember he built muscle so fast it would make me mad, and he would always tell me "if you would eat better maybe you would"...

...not enough motivation at the time...

I would just tell him to shut-up and smile back, but it planted seeds in this Georgia red clay, and they actually sprouted.

Then came the marine, Jake.  A close friend of mine who said that when he got back from his mission he wanted to run with me on the silver comet trail, not knowing the fullness of how much I really didn't like running...how much I loathed it. I tried to get started before he arrived for a head start, but it didn't work too well. 

But running with him taught me to pace myself, how to breathe, staying hydrated, and gaining distance. Reaching that point were you find your what I call 'happy pace' and just float there. He knew I could run farther, faster, and harder than I did. He is the reason I am a long distance endurance-style runner and the best thing he taught me was to let go and enjoy the run.  He brought many deep (and silly) run conversations and is probably was the only person who I could ever find who was willing to run with me-besides God.

Looking back at myself before Jake, before Jeremy (aka J-Dawg), amazes me.  Running today thinking at where I came from, how far I've traveled in the world of health-it all really started with them. Those that believed in me before I even did; that saw my potential when nobody else could. It reminds me of my father when he was able to garden.  He could see our horrible hilly, red clay dirt back yard and saw the potential for an amazing garden.  Early in the mornings I remember him waking up before the sun, lining his truck bed with tarp; he would then go to a horse farm and shovel horse manure all Saturday. Bringing it back home, he would mix it in the clay, and drive back to the farm. Over and over again until it was too dark.  He knew what to plant when, and took great care all year long at whatever he was growing. Pulling weeds, pruning, and at the end harvesting and enjoying the fruit (or vegetable) of his labor.

Isn't this what God does in each of our lives?  He brings those in our lives who can see the vision and are willing to work the field, willing to shovel manure.

"Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest" Luke 10:2 KJV

So thank you to J-Dawg, thank you to Jake.  For being willing to shovel my manure and seeing my potential.  Seeing that I'm worth it.  Without you, I don't know where I would be, if alive what kind of life it would be. I would never have gotten the joy of having runs with the Lord and many-a-blog would not have written. 

You inspired me, believed in me, saw my worth.

Feelings...nothing more than feelings...

*Originally written on March 14th, 2011*

I hate that I have such strong feelings, strong emotions, & a strong soul sometimes...One of the hardest things for me to do is express how I feel, I feel so much with such a passion it feels like I'm cracking into pieces...every tear is so loaded with more than any person I can imagine.  I know God doesn't give us more than we can bear, but this is such a heavy burden to carry sometimes...

so I run...like Forrest Gump I run with all I am, I harden myself, grab some sneakers and run till I'm numb or my legs won't carry me any further...why express things nobody else really is concerned or even knows exist.  Who would listen anyhoo, and why would they care to?  Part of me wonders why I'm even writing this blog.

I had planned on only running 6 miles, but you KNOW it's God when the Floyd Road Silver Comet trail light changes right when you reach it, its such a rarity, that I changed directions to my longer route and went up to 8.4 miles, but ended up running 10.5 instead.  While it wasn't enough to run away completely from myself-not even a corner really-I did connect with God by the end.

The blue sky and warmth from the sun, or for me the Son, powered me...cheered me up and on and even helped me bless others on the trail He brought along my path.  And the end, I felt heavy, but instead of it being from all the hurt and feelings and inner pain within my soul, it was heavy from the blessed weight of His unmerited favor and love, the weight of all that He is!

The more I know and experience Him the more I want to know and experience! And yet, the harder it is to really handle...I'm sure we don't even grasp an atom of the being and essence of God the Father, God the Son, or God the Holy Spirit.  At one point I almost wanted to collapse, but not from my own tears but from the glory of God upon me, it was like He was drawing me to Him, comforting me but in the act of His embrace, the closer I got the harder it was to bear the fullness of who He is...yet like a drug I still crave more!  It may overwhelm me, and the more it happens on my runs I wonder if my body will be able to handle it, but I want another hit of Christ, I want another dose but a bigger one!  Give me oh God as much as I can handle of You, and then even more!  If it kills me it would just draw me even closer to You!  And what a way to die, to die from the embrace of the LORD!

Not that I'm wanting to die or anything, just a thought.

On the way home a song came on that always reaches me, Beautiful by Mercy Me.

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
I'm praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes
You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

A friend once posted this for me (and others) and it really does reach out to me...I just sat in the car, crying out to my Father, tears I cannot explain, for feelings I cannot explain.  My soul is tired, I'm tired of caring so much.  Wishing they would just leave me, but knowing He's given them to me for some reason and purpose I cannot fathom at this point in my life.

In all of this life, at least I'm beautiful to Him, at least I know that God desires me, loves me, understands me and accepts me just as I am, just as He created me to be. Knowing all the mistakes I would make, He loves me.  Knowing I would let Him down He loved me.  Knowing I would doubt Him, knowing my lack of faith, knowing how many times I would cry to Him over the same silly things that in the end, don't seem to matter much to anyone but me...He loved me.  He even made me to care about those silly little things...I may not be able to express my feelings, not even well to God, but I can cry with all my heart to Him, and He understands it all, the unspoken inexpressible feelings, emotions, the pain, the tears...He strengthens my Spirit and through it-my soul is nourished

and I carry on.

Through Him, and by Him and Him alone...despite He's lack of answers He has for my pain-filled questions, He carries me on with a joy amidst the storm of my life.  For the joy of the Lord is my strength and stronghold in times of trouble.  We don't have to understand, in fact I think that is when we receive His true peace, is when we let go and let God...

it just took me 10.5 miles and a cry on the Lord's shoulder to get there